Why Do I Push People Away?

What is pushing people away a symptom of?

There are few things as difficult to navigate as the space between ourselves and others. Get too close, and we feel suffocated; move too far apart, and we feel abandoned. Pushing people away takes many forms. It might involve being verbally or physically aggressive, or, just as destructively, shutting them out emotionally.

Pushing people away shows someone still matters to us. Indifference, after all, is a greater form of insult. Pushing people away is intimately related to desire. For the French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan, desire is always incomplete because it comes from outside. Lacan situates psychic development in relation to the question “Che vuoi?” (” What do you want ?”).

Desire is partly formed through trying to suss out what people with very conflicting wants transmit to us in early life. Toddlers and teenagers are especially likely to push people away in order to try to separate their desire from that of “others”. This task is essential to develop a sense of an “I” that can endure the vicissitudes of life.

1. Given that other people’s wants and desires are fundamentally unknowable – we can never know precisely what they are thinking – the “other” always fails you because they can never know you.
2. Our capacity to deal with these mini-failures, or see them as catastrophic, is a function of the security that we have experienced predominantly from early relationships with caregivers,

Psychotherapy often works as much through moments of rupture in the therapy relationship as moments of connection. Experiencing that discord can be repaired, that everything is not lost – can help instil good-enough forms of relating, The aspect of a missing piece is vital in our relationships with other people; sometimes partners push one another away in order to produce a sense of loss so as to feel some desire again.

This push-me-pull-me cycle can prove addictive, a pattern sustained by our cultural idealisation of famously stormy romances such as that of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, or indeed Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton – who pushed each other away and then refound each other more times than many of us have had hot dinners.

To have stable relationships one generally has to accept losing something of the intensity of early stages in a relationship when the “other” holds the tantalising promise of satisfying us. This is an unfortunate state of affairs. The more contradictory, inconsistent or inappropriate messages people receive from the world in early life, the more the confusion about who one is supposed to be, the more likely one is to push people away.

If a parent has been too present, for example, only reinforcing certain ideals of how a child should be (“a good student”, “a girly girl”), a person may unconsciously sacrifice themselves for the parent, trying to fulfil their desire at any cost. Pushing people away here may feel like the only recourse.

If the desire from outside has been abusive (physically, sexually, emotionally) or neglectful early on, proximity in adult life may be so threatening that a kind of psychological moat is established as protection. If someone threatens to come too close, especially if it feels like they might witness aspects of the self one is ashamed of, they are pushed away.

• Many people switch between a desire to cling to other people who may finally offer a restorative experience and a need to retain this psychological moat that once provided much-needed safety.
• Pushing people away in all these scenarios is an existential survival strategy that has become a default, though one that we are not doomed to repeat if we can find support to experiment with relating in different ways.

It is important to try to think what one might be pushing away in pushing away a loved one or indeed a stranger. It may be that the person is irritating or bad for you. Hell, after all, can be other people. But the person may also be a cipher of someone from one’s past, or an aspect of oneself that one has split off and projected into the other,

1. Pushing people away in these cases may cause a temporary relief from anxiety or agitation, but the tension that has bubbled up is likely to recur unless the root causes are addressed.
2. Pushing people away again and again is a frequent sign of mental health problems such as depression and trauma.
3. If an imposed distance becomes one’s only response to the world, the inner world can become equally deprived.

In such cases, it is important to try to regain some social bonds in a way that does not feel too intrusive, or defences will kick in. This is why though the current cultural imperative to talk is important, it can be better to coax someone back slowly to wishing to relate again first, for example through a shared activity that holds less relational pressure, such as watching a film together.

• This brings us to the importance of having the means to disconnect from others when we feel over- or underwhelmed by them.
• Therapy culture has fuelled a fantasy that we can always feel connected to others, that we should always feel satisfied.
• These internalised imperatives can make us push away people when they fail to make us feel this way.

The idea that there is always a better option, or the guilt and shame that we feel when we have pushed away someone we love, stops us learning to tolerate frustration and disappointment in relationships, These cultural imperatives can also serve to attempt to squeeze people into modes of being in the world that do not fit their proclivities, turning difference into disability (for example by imposing normative relational goals on someone with Asperger’s, which often provokes a desperate pushing away). ‘Gardening, dog-walking, art and other activities can be a way of excusing oneself from the imperative to relate when the world is that bit too much.’ Photograph: Alistair Berg/Getty Images Couples that function well have often achieved this by finding socially sanctioned ways of pushing people away as opposed to making incendiary comments that provoke annihilation anxieties, such as “I need some space”.

Gardening, dog-walking, art and other activities can be a way of excusing oneself from the imperative to relate when the world is that bit too much. One can then return to the relationship renewed. Navigating the space between ourselves and others is one of the great tasks in life, one that we perhaps never completely master.

Some humour in, and some communication about, our inevitable failures to manage this border effectively can help drain the charge that makes us push people violently away.

Why do I push people away so easily?

Fear of intimacy – Pushing people away is one way of avoiding intimacy. In fact, this avoidance can act as a defense mechanism for people afraid of getting hurt in relationships. This could be because a past relationship ended badly, perhaps with rejection or even bereavement.

Even if you think you’ve healed from a past relationship that ended badly, worries about further rejection or loss might linger in your subconscious. If you’ve lost someone through bereavement, you might find that numbing your feelings makes them easier to cope with. As you begin developing a relationship with a new partner, the instinct to protect yourself begins to take over.

You don’t want to experience loss or rejection again, after all. Maybe you don’t actually think, “If I push them away before they get too close, they can’t hurt me,” or purposely attempt to drive them away. Actions like starting arguments and avoiding emotional intimacy sometimes happen more unconsciously — but the end result is usually the same.

How do I stop pushing people away?

3 Ways to Stop Pushing People Away It’s disheartening to realize you’re shutting out the people you care about, but don’t get down on yourself – you can learn to keep your friends and family members close. Start by working on healing the root causes of your avoidance.

1. 1 Think about how you’re feeling right before you push someone away. Most of the time, people shut others out because they’re afraid of something. Think about the last time you pushed someone away, and ask yourself what you were scared of. Once you understand why you behave this way, you’ll be in a better position to start making changes.
   • You may have experienced trauma or hurt in a previous relationship, so you push people away to protect yourself from more hurt.
   • Journaling or free-writing might help you figure out what’s at the root of your behavior. Start a page about relationships and write down everything that comes to mind when you think of that term. After a few minutes, review what you came up with.
   • For instance, you might be afraid that people will dislike you once they get to know you, or you might be afraid that people will take advantage of you after you start to trust them.
2. 2 Boost your self-esteem. It’s common for people with low self-esteem to push others away because they may not think they deserve positive relationships. If your self-esteem is low, you might engage in negative self-talk that reinforces your feelings of being disconnected from others.
   • In addition, you might constantly repeat self-deprecating statements like “I don’t deserve happiness” or “People hate me.” These statements only make you feel worse.
   • Instead of engaging in negative self-talk, promote a healthy self-esteem by listing your best traits. Then, turn these traits into powerful affirmations, such as “I am a great listener” and “I try to show compassion for others.”
   • Repeat these statements several times daily.

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3. 3 Examine your trust levels. Another reasons behind a push-and-pull relationship might be trust issues. If you’ve been hurt in the past, you might find it difficult to let down your walls and be vulnerable with others. In order to stop this pattern, you will need to risk being hurt again. That’s the only way to give others the chance to earn your trust.
   • It may be helpful to voice your concerns to any new partners. Let them know that you have trouble trusting, and ask that they be patient and work with you.
   • Take baby steps by giving a new partner the chance to be there for you. For example, you might ask them to support you with a passion project or you might request that they attend a social gathering with you. If they come through for you, you might gradually increase the level of trust you have in them.
4. 4 Be open about your readiness for intimacy. You may push others away because you are at different places in your readiness for intimacy. One person might want closeness while the other needs time, and vice versa. If you and the other person are on different wavelengths, it can create an imbalance that interferes with the health of the relationship. Gain insight about your readiness for different types of intimacy and share it with the other person.
   • For instance, you might push a friend away because they disclose personal information early on in the friendship. You might feel uncomfortable with such a disclosure and not know how to communicate that, so you push the person away.
   • Instead, you might say, “I appreciate you for sharing that with me, but I hope you can understand if I am unable to share such personal stuff with you right now. It takes me some time to open up.”
   • Readiness for intimacy involves not just intimate disclosures, but also physical, emotional, and spiritual closeness.
5. 5 Replace guilt with empathy. If you have hurt someone you care about, you might react to the feelings of guilt by pushing that person (and others) away. To counteract this, notice times when you betray or hurt a loved one and then attempt to push them away. Then, step outside of your own experience into that other person’s. Try to understand why they may have been hurt.
   • For example, think about what that person went through and how the situation must have felt for them. How would you feel if the same thing happened to you?
   • Once you have tried to have true empathy for the person, you can attempt to apologize and make amends for any wrongdoing. However, empathy is necessary in order for you to connect with the other person’s experience instead of closing them out.
6. 6 See a therapist, If you’re having a hard time changing your ways by yourself, book a session with a therapist. They’ll be able to help you identify the thoughts and feelings that lead to pushing people away. A therapist will also be able to help you change your habits so you can maintain healthy relationships.

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1. 1 Let your comfort level be your guide. Look within yourself to decide how comfortable you feel opening up to someone. You may feel more vulnerable at some times than you do at others, and it’s okay to guard yourself when you don’t feel comfortable. Identify what you are comfortable with, as well as what makes you uncomfortable.
   • Each time you’re with someone, take small steps to push yourself to get closer to them while still honoring your comfort level.
   • You might start by offering a nice comment to a coworker. On another encounter, you might offer them a small token of friendship, such as a donut or coffee. When you feel ready, you could invite them to do something.
2. 2 Have a friendly demeanor. Smile and greet people when you see them. If someone makes small talk with you, participate in the conversation instead of giving them one-word replies. When you see someone you know, take a minute to say hello and ask how they are.
   • If you’re shy, you might be used to minding your own business in public, so start slowly. Work on making eye contact and smiling. When you feel more comfortable, start chatting with people more often.
3. 3 Stay receptive. Be willing to meet new people and expand your social horizons. See the good side of your friends and acquaintances, and take an optimistic view of your relationships. If any new opportunities or invitations come your way, accept them.
   • For instance, if your classmate asks you to study with her later, say yes, even if you aren’t sure you’ll like it. Give her (and yourself) a chance.
4. 4 Ask people questions about themselves. Build connections with other people by being interested in them. Try to find out more about your acquaintances’ goals, families, likes, and dislikes. When you’re with your friends, ask them about any projects they’ve been working on or issues they’ve been dealing with lately.
   • For instance, you could ask something like, “Why did you decide to major in architecture?” or “How are you liking your new apartment?”
   • Of course, you don’t want to ask anything too personal, like “Why are you getting divorced?” unless you know the person well and get the sense that they want to talk about it with you.
5. 5 Share things about yourself. To maintain a friendship, asking questions isn’t enough – you’ve got to talk about yourself, too. As you get to know people, share more of your thoughts and personality quirks. Opening up to others will make them feel like you’re invested in the relationship.
   • For instance, if your closest pals are sharing their dreams, it might be nice to share your own. You might say, “You know I’ve always secretly dreamed of spending a year traveling the world.”
   • Consider telling your close friends that you’re trying to stop pushing others away. That will help your friends understand you better. They may even be able to help you, if you let them.
6. 6 Make an effort to stay in touch. Once you’ve connected with someone, do your best to keep them in your life. Don’t cancel social plans you’ve made, even if you feel anxious. Respond to your friends promptly when they reach out to you, and if you don’t hear from someone for a while, call or text them yourself.
   • Keeping in touch with people can be hard work, especially if you’re used to ducking out of relationships when you get uncomfortable. However, if you want to keep people around, you’ve got to stay on their radar.
   • If you’re really not feeling up to talking, don’t leave your friends hanging. Say something like, “I can’t meet up today, but I’d love to see you soon. How about Thursday?”
7. 7 Repair damaged relationships. If you’ve let things lapse with someone you care about, call them up or email them. Explain why you pushed them away, and apologize for any hurt you caused them. If they’re willing to revive the relationship, promise to treat them better in the future.
   • If a former friend doesn’t want to revive the friendship, accept their answer and leave them alone, but let them know they can contact you if they change their mind.
   • Keep in mind that apologizing won’t fix a broken relationship overnight. To make things right in the long term, you’ll have to be a better friend from here on out.

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1. 1, Make sure you aren’t smothering people with attention. Don’t pester them to hang out with you every day or blow up their phone with texts. If you tend to be clingy, find some solo hobbies and goals to keep you busy.
   • For example, join a new club or organization where you can meet new friends so you’re not always spending time with just one person.
2. 2 Ask yourself if you complain too much. Are you always complaining about the food, the weather, or other people? Spending time around a complainer is tiresome, and people may start avoiding you if you’re a negative Nancy. When a complaint pops into your head, see if you can turn it around and find something good to say instead.
   • To counteract complaints, start practicing gratitude. When you recognize what you do have, you are less likely to complain.
   • Write down two to three things each day that you are grateful about.
3. 3 Look at the balance of give-and-take in your relationships. If you’re always looking for a favor, but you never help others out, people might not want to be around you. Make sure you aren’t asking for too much from other people, and offer to give your friends and acquaintances a hand when they need it.
4. 4 Think about whether you need a lot of validation from others. It can be exhausting to deal with somebody who needs constant attention and praise, or who fishes for compliments all the time. Make sure you aren’t doing this. If you have low self-esteem, look for a healthier way to feel good about yourself.
   • For instance, you could raise your self-esteem by getting involved in a sport, joining a volunteer program, or making the time to take care of your health.
5. 5 Address problems in relationships. Conflict is a natural part of every relationship. If you bury your head in the sand whenever you have a disagreement with someone, you’ll never learn how to stay close to people – and most of your relationships will end on bad terms. Instead of hiding from conflict, talk it through with the other person and find a solution.

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• Question Why do I push people away? Clinical Therapist Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers. If you have been hurt in the past, you may have a tendency to mistrust people to protect yourself and your emotions. With time, you can learn to trust people again. Just be patient with yourself and try to stay positive.
• Question Over many years, I have had an acquaintance that has been verbally abusive. I think I have finally had enough, yet I still love them. How do I stop paying attention and stop my heart from caring? Licensed Master Social Worker Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014. While it is still okay to care for the person, it is never okay if you are the victim of verbal abuse (or any kind of abuse), regardless of who this person is. It is advised that you inform this person directly that you will not tolerate the verbal abuse. Give examples of how they may be making you feel and why. Provide an ultimatum that if they are unable to stop, you will need to stop associating with them. Perhaps, if this is a family, friend, or intimate relationship, you both could do counseling together. Sometimes having a mediator involved will help with communication
• Question How do I stop responding argumentatively when confronting a conflict? Licensed Master Social Worker Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014. Your best bet is to allow yourself some time to decompress and release your frustrations or anger before you respond to the other person(s) you may be in conflict with. On most occasions, people tend towards reaction, which typically never ends well. The right approach is to reflect on the situation and allow yourself time to think about the events that took place from all angles

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1. Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview.2 October 2020.
2. Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview.2 October 2020.
3. Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview.2 October 2020.

This article was co-authored by, Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices.

Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level.

Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP).

• Co-authors: 22
• Updated: May 4, 2023
• Views: 385,790

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Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 385,790 times.

“Actually, I was pretty much ready to leave a two year relationship and I’m going to rethink it. Till I read the line about how special I am, or have to be, to stay with someone who has been hurt a lot in the past and doesn’t know they’re pushing you away.”,”

: 3 Ways to Stop Pushing People Away

Why do I push people away when I get angry?

Stressful Situations Magnify Your Need To Push People Away – Here’s the deal: Horrible, stressful situations will magnify your inherent desire to keep people you love at arm’s length; OR They will magnify your bias towards emotional intimacy with the people you love.

• It’s not the situation you’re in, it’s your patterns, which are also ingrained by your attachment style.
• Here’s an article I wrote on how to open up in relationships: 5 Questions To Help You Open Up in Relationships.
• A lot of people want to justify pushing friends and family away because they are “having a bad time”.

“I just don’t want to burden my family and friends”, they say. They say it’s because they didn’t want to bring down the people around them with their so called bad behaviour and emotions. It’s kind of a way to try to protect the people you love from the intense anger or depression that you feel.

A lot of us with attachment disorders will have this desire to push people away when we are angry, because somewhere inside, we are aware that our anger is not functional, but rather, dysfunctional. An important study showed that for secure people, anger arousal was found to depend on a rational analysis of the situation, rather than on paranoid cognitive biases or uncontrollable urges to punish or harm the anger instigator.

So for the people who are insecure or who have insecure attachment, they already know deep down that their anger in hard to control. Because they know this, they want to have some semblance of control, and they gain this feeling of control through pushing someone away.

• You may relate to this yourself.
• You feel the darkness of your life and of your own patterns.
• So you want to run away from the people you love, in order to “keep them safe”.
• You run away by pushing people away.
• But remember above, where I said that pushing people away comes with the cost of hurting them? Yeah.

When someone is invested in you, the last thing they want is to see you create this huge distance. When someone is invested in you, the last thing they want is to feel you pulling away connection. It feels like a threat to the relationship. Wouldn’t you agree? You see, an emotionally absent friend, lover or even parent is not usually a good thing.

1. Even if you think it is! Even if you think you’re protecting them from your darkness! Now: An emotionally and physically absent lover, mother, or friend, does NOT mean a better lover, mother or friend.
2. In the past, I have been an expert at pushing the most important people away (my husband being one of them).

So I know exactly what it is like to be this kind of person, and why it is that we engage in such self sabotaging behaviour. Case Study: Discover how the introverted Alena got her man to ask her out almost instantly and for the very first time in her life, she started attracting highly esteemed men & making real progress in overcoming her own anxious attachment patterns All by using this dark feminine art of banter.

What trauma causes you to push people away?

1. The effects of trauma – So many people have suffered significant trauma in their lives. And often this trauma has come at the hands of the people who were supposed to love and care for them. Abusive parents, abusive schools, and abusive partners, to name a few.

The pain of these experiences has taught them that the safety of love can’t be trusted. That even those who say they love them will hurt and betray them. And the greater the trauma, the more they come to expect that betrayal. And, in this way, the feelings of love that they so desperately crave, becomes the source of pain.

So pushing people away becomes a defense mechanism to keep people from being too close – where they can feel hurt. Often, the triggering of old trauma wounds ignites a sense of being overwhelmed. People become flooded with feelings of anxiety and may experience panic attacks.

Why am I subconsciously pushing everyone away?

There’s generally a valid reason why we start pushing away those we love: Trauma, breakups, or mental health crises reduce our sense of self-worth. We fear rejection, leading us to avoid the risk of emotionally investing in people. Our behavior changes.

Why am I avoiding intimacy?

What Causes Fear of Intimacy? – For a lot of people, fear of intimacy can be the result of fears of engulfment or fear of feeling abandonment. A large part of it can come from a general fear of loss. While these fears are significantly different from each other, they tend to have the same outcome — behaving in a way that ultimately pushes others away.

Fear of engulfment: Can result in a near-debilitating fear of being dominated or controlled. People who have a fear of engulfment can be so terrified they’ll lose themself in their relationships, they push anyone who gets too close away. Sometimes this can be the result of growing up in an enmeshed family. Fear of abandonment: Manifests as a deep-seated fear of being left. Fear of abandonment can be the result of caregivers (adult figures or parents) abandoning someone in their youth. Abandonment can be either physical or emotional. Anxiety disorders: Social anxiety disorders or a social phobia can lead to a fear of intimacy in an adult relationship. Sometimes, when someone is deeply afraid of feeling judged or rejected, they deal with it by avoiding intimate connections with others. Other phobias — like a fear of being touched — can also be a part of intimacy issues. Past sexual abuse: Sexual abuse that occurs during childhood can directly result in a fear of intimacy in an adult relationship. Difficulty trusting others is often at the root of why emotional intimacy can become problematic in the adult life of somebody who’s been sexually abused.

Many times, intimacy issues, meaning fears of being too close to someone, stem from a childhood experience that is triggered by adult relationships. This is one reason why addressing only current relationships might not be beneficial in helping when fear of intimacy signs are present.

Why do I run away when someone likes me?

Why do I run away on the sight of someone I like inspite of knowing the person likes me back? May be because you fear the idea of acceptance and praise. You become uncomfortable and impulsive in such situations. You end up doing things you don’t actually wanted to do but do it in panic/impulsiveness.

Is pushing people away a mental illness?

Having friends is cool, but have you ever cut everyone off and disappeared for like three months? – Depression manifests differently for each person. It’s no more the forlorn, incapacitated person with bedhead seen in antidepressant commercials, than the polished and high-functioning attorney having liquor for lunch.

While some depressed people might feel deep despair, others may be riddled with anxiety, insomnia, or anger. Haphazardly pushing people away is a common side-effect of depression. While experiencing a bout of depression, it’s often easiest to detach from others for a while. It’s nothing personal – it’s about self-preservation.

And, it’s about avoiding the barrage of armchair psychiatry by well-wishers who dispense platitudes like, “What’s wrong with you?” “Things aren’t that bad!” or, the timeless, “Just snap out of it!” When you’re depressed you lack the energy to make a ham sandwich.

1. The last thing you want to do is explain your low mood to others – even to loved ones.
2. It takes copious vigor to keep up appearances and sustain your otherwise stable persona during a depressive episode.
3. People can be stunned to see you in an emotionally bleak state when it’s such a radical contrast from your homeostatic “norm.” Such is the pattern of depression.

Most people aren’t depressed 100% of the time. And, tricking people into thinking you’re not depressed is draining. There are few things worse than ‘smiling depression.’ The constant attempts at concealing one’s mental pain only increases the overall burden.

And, by avoiding others, we avoid their judgement. In rarer cases, pushing people away can be a form of self-harm. In such instances, we shun those we most care about because we want to punish or simply hurt ourselves. Sometimes we even want to penalize others for having the audacity to care for this woeful version of ourselves.

But, those of us who unconsciously use this tactic, risk losing people for good. Not everyone understands what depression feels like or how it might play-out. From their perspective, getting blown-off or spurned despite our rationale for doing so isn’t justification for how we’ve made them feel.

How do you say sorry for pushing someone away?

To the People I’ve Pushed Away Because I’m Afraid of Hurting You To the people I’ve pushed away, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I made you angry whenever I didn’t accept your help. I’m sorry if you didn’t feel appreciated because you thought I wasn’t listening to taking what you said into consideration.

You might feel like I’m being selfish. And when I lie in bed and can’t sleep, it’s the negative things people have said that really take a toll on me. But when I push you away, it kills me inside more than you know. Pushing away the people who are trying to help doesn’t make sense, but at times it feels like the only option to me.

I’ve lost some of my closest friends because I never let them in or made them believe what they said didn’t matter. But it did. I push you away because I don’t want to hurt any of you. I don’t want to get you involved and then you see me at my lowest. I don’t want you to see me hurting.

• Because then you might get hurt.
• You might start to feel sad.
• Or you might worry.
• And I don’t want that for any of you.
• I don’t want any of you to feel how I do.
• I want you all to be happy like I used to be.
• Depression and anxiety is something I would never wish upon my worst enemy.
• It’s like being at rock bottom with a rock on top of you.

And that rock is everybody you’ve hurt since it all started. Every person I hurt makes me hate myself more, and I sink lower and lower into rock bottom. So when I push you away, please don’t walk away from me. That might be what you think I want, but it’s not.

My mind tells me all the time that I should push you away so you don’t get hurt. But in reality, you get me through every day. Knowing you have hope for me helps me have hope for myself. I am very sorry for pushing you away, but please don’t leave me. Because one day I will let you in, and all the fighting will be worth it.

You’re the reason I keep attempting to get better. Even when I push you away, don’t give up on me. Thank you for trying to help me. I love you guys so much. Image via Thinkstock Images : To the People I’ve Pushed Away Because I’m Afraid of Hurting You

Why does he push me away and then come back?

5. Seek counseling – Image: Shutterstock If you feel entrapped in conflicting emotions and can no longer handle it, it is wise to consult a relationship expert. The person may not be able to give you a clear answer to why he pulled away. But, just a patient ear to your problems and a few words of wisdom may become important for your confidence.

The counselor may be able to instill in you the confidence to pull through the odds and help you see the problem as just another bump on the road. Stay positive, whatever it takes. A positive approach will keep your morale high and give you the strength to take everything in your stride and move on without cynicism, grudge, and self-pity.1.

What are the signs of a man pulling away? Some signs that may indicate that your man is pulling away may include:

His texting frequency and promptness have reduced He refrains from initiating plans His attention levels are low and are giving you mixed signals He has a new group of friends or is being secretive He seems irritated all the time and doesn’t ask normal questions such as “how was your day?”

2. What to text him if he pulls away? Try not to present yourself as needy or clingy if you feel your guy is pulling away. Avoid hurling him with several text messages. Your text should make him feel that you are ready to give him space and will be there to support him.

Additionally, you can tell him that you are worried about him and ask him for an honest discussion. However, if this doesn’t work, you may try showing him that you are moving away politely.3. How do you know if he will come back after pulling away? Some men may be phobic of commitment and pull away abruptly.

Why Do You Push People Away? | Steven Furtick

They may still come around after some time. He may show signs of coming back, such as texting, behaving positively, showing interest in your activities on social media, calling you, and taking an interest in your life.4. What communication strategies can help when a man pulls away? Try to talk to him either through texts or personally.

Tell him that his behavior is making you feel concerned for him. Ask him if anything bothers him, and assure him you will support him. You can even leave him a handwritten letter to make him feel more special. If this does not work, then do not nag him anymore. Instead, give him the time and space he needs.5.

How can men handle the emotions of pulling away in a relationship? Emotions leading a man to leave a relationship can be complicated and overwhelming. Tackling them needs patience. They should be patient with themselves and their partner. If they still have feelings for their partner, they should try not to give up too soon.

1. Instead, persevere and make efforts to come out of it.
2. Wait until there is better clarity on the relationship.6.
3. How can couples rebuild trust after a man has pulled away? To rebuild a relationship, the couple must first address the issue that led the man to pull away.
4. Next, they should consider ways to ensure the issue is not repeated.

The couple must then leave behind negative feelings and give another fresh start to their relationship, this time being more mindful of each other’s feelings.7. How can a woman prevent a man from pulling away? Firstly, ensure that he trusts you and can confide in you without the fear of being judged.

Eep him happy and content in and out of the bedroom. Be open to fulfilling his desires. Do not pressure him for commitment. Commitment is essential, but avoid badgering him into doing it. Lastly, give him your attention and respect to make him feel wanted. Despite all these efforts, if he still pulls away, then know it’s not you; it’s him.8.

What are the biggest mistakes women make when a man starts to pull away? The biggest mistake women make after a man begins to pull away is panic. In this panic mode, women can trouble men with incessant questions to know what is the matter with them. Crying only worsens the situation because not all men can handle tears.

1. Lastly, getting angry and screaming further pushes men away from them.9.
2. Can a man be pulled back into a relationship after he has left? Yes.
3. Men who have pulled back from a relationship can return when the issues are external and have nothing to do with the connection.
4. For instance, a man could have pulled back because he was stressed at work, and the uncertainty may have bogged him down.

However, once his work pressure eases and he feels more confident in his career path, he can appreciate how patiently his partner waited for him through his low period. He may even work harder on making the relationship work. It is painful and depressing to find that a man you have been dating is growing apart or avoiding you.

• Fear of commitment, apprehension of losing control over their lives, or bitter past experiences may be responsible for such behavior.
• He may need some space before committing and may not be sure if he feels compatible or emotionally connected with you.
• Your overpowering traits may also worry him.
• A positive and honest conversation may reveal why men pull away.

You can try to make things work but do not go hard on yourself and move on with your life.

Does social anxiety make you push people away?

You distance yourself from others on purpose. – Are you a bit of a loner—and do you keep it that way intentionally? Even if you want friends and crave meaningful social relationships deep down, those with social anxiety can purposefully push people out of their lives or keep people at a distance, if not avoiding others entirely, as a means of keeping themselves safe from social situations that cause them stress or anxiety.

Why do Empaths push people away?

What is the Empath Supernova? – The Empath Supernova is what the Empath becomes when they are triggered by too much stress on the senses, the psyche, and the soul, to the degree of which the Empath will instinctively protect itself by taking on their more Narcissistic traits.

They now not only have their Empathic traits available to them, but they can also embody all of their suppressed and learned Narcissistic traits and use these traits against the abuser or cause of their oppression, pushing them far enough away often scaring the other, for the Empath’s survival and escape.

Once the Empath is safe, the Empath Supernova retreats into its state of being Empathic, and the Narcissistic traits become somewhat dormant again. An Empath can’t become a Narcissist, but Empaths must learn to integrate their darker aspects with their lighter ones for survival and energy protection.

Why do I take my anger out on people close to me?

Anger or frustration is a natural and healthy emotion; however, uncontrolled anger can negatively impact health and relationships. Anger typically occurs due to being threatened or provoked, feeling hurt, or as a defense mechanism. If anger spirals out of control, a person is likely to lash out and say or do things they later regret.

Anger may be misdirected at loved ones, which can result in strained or damaged relationships. In order to prevent this from occurring, a person must learn how to control their anger and reveal it responsibly. There are several ways to avoid expressing anger unhealthily. When experiencing anger, it is best to take a step back.

Creating space to calm down might involve going into a separate room, counting to ten, or asking a person to pause the conversation. Humor helps situations seem less intimidating. Making a joke, instead of lashing out, can lighten the mood. However, humor is not an excuse to discredit feelings or use passive-aggressiveness.

Oftentimes, when someone is angry, they say things that they don’t mean or that are inappropriate. Once the words have been spoken, they cannot be unheard by the listener. Be mindful during conversations with loved ones and take a moment to consider whether the words spoken are true, helpful and kind.

Not to be confused with aggressive communication, assertive communication focuses on the needs of both parties in an effort to solve the problem. Assertive communication involves using “I” statements (e.g., “I feel upset when people talk badly about me” or “I feel angry when the house is a mess”).

• I” statements center around the feelings concerning the situation, without placing blame on others.
• Relaxation exercises can relieve feelings of stress and anger.
• Examples include breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or guided meditation,
• This makes it easier to deal with challenges that arise.

Having the knowledge of what causes anger is powerful. For example, if a person knows they have a short temper following work meetings, they can practice coping skills and communicate to their loved ones that they need space. However, this does not excuse harmful behavior towards loved ones because they were given a “warning.” The anger still needs to be processed healthily.

If a person has a habit of taking misdirected anger out on their loved ones, it may be due to the inability to address the situation that is provoking anger. This is a defense mechanism called “displacement.” Taking anger out on a loved one might provide a small moment of relief, but it will not solve the real issue.

By addressing the actual problem, the buildup of anger can be avoided to decrease the probability of taking anger out on loved ones. Additional sources: Verywell Mind, BetterHelp, and Verywell Mind

Is pushing people away a symptom of PTSD?

How Might Trauma Survivors React? – In the first weeks and months following a trauma, survivors may feel angry, detached, tense or worried in their relationships. In time, most are able to resume their prior level of closeness in relationships. Yet the 5% to 10% of survivors who develop PTSD may have lasting relationship problems.

1. Survivors with PTSD may feel distant from others and feel numb.
2. They may have less interest in social or sexual activities.
3. Because survivors feel irritable, on guard, jumpy, worried, or nervous, they may not be able to relax or be intimate.
4. They may also feel an increased need to protect their loved ones.

They may come across as tense or demanding. The trauma survivor may often have trauma memories or flashbacks. He or she might go to great lengths to avoid such memories. Survivors may avoid any activity that could trigger a memory. If the survivor has trouble sleeping or has nightmares, both the survivor and partner may not be able to get enough rest.

This may make sleeping together harder. Survivors often struggle with intense anger and impulses. In order to suppress angry feelings and actions, they may avoid closeness. They may push away or find fault with loved ones and friends. Also, drinking and drug problems, which can be an attempt to cope with PTSD, can destroy intimacy and friendships.

Verbal or physical violence can occur. In other cases, survivors may depend too much on their partners, family members, and friends. This could also include support persons such as health care providers or therapists. Dealing with these symptoms can take up a lot of the survivor’s attention.

Is being too independent a trauma response?

What Is Hyper-Independence? – Hyper-independence is more than self-reliance. It’s an unwavering insistence on autonomy. Hyper-independent people are unwilling and unable to depend on others. They typically experience intense discomfort asking for or allowing others to assist them, even when they’re in dire need.

Why is trauma isolating?

Why Do Individuals with PTSD Socially Withdrawl? – In many ways, self-isolation is a form of self-preservation. When one is alone and not in the presence of other people, whether friends and family or the general public, the chance of triggering events feels much less likely. Things like seeing people die, facing abuse or getting into a fight probably won’t occur when staying isolated and alone.

1. Self-isolation is also the result of feeling alone, abandoned and misunderstood.
2. Those with PTSD are often acutely aware of the fact that the experiences that led to post-traumatic stress are unique to them, and even those who may have been present won’t necessarily understand the response.
3. By isolating themselves, PTSD sufferers can avoid negative responses or continued efforts to explain feelings.

PTSD-induced social withdrawl may not be a conscious choice. As individuals struggle to deal with their feelings, being alone seems like the easiest option.

Why am I pushing my parents away?

According to Smith, many teens will use anger to create boundaries with their parents in order to experiment with autonomy. ‘When teens push away their parents away, what they’re really looking to do subconsciously is figure out if there is space for them in this house,’ Smith says.

Why do I push people’s buttons?

My opinion on this is that most people do it because it makes them feel better about themself and it makes them feel like they have power and are in control. Most people who do this are very insecure and can’t handle it when someone does the same to them.

How do I know if I have a fear of intimacy?

3 min read Intimacy is complex. It’s emotional, the sharing of feelings with each other. It’s intellectual, the sharing of ideas and thoughts. It’s physical, with not just sexual but also non-sexual contact. And it’s experiential, the sharing of activities together.

• A fear of intimacy is often subconscious and affects a person’s ability to form or maintain close relationships.
• They don’t intentionally reject love from another.
• Instead, they may behave in ways that create stress in a relationship, resulting in an early end, before any deeper intimacy can develop.
• This affects not just romantic relationships but also friendships and family relationships.

This fear can develop for many reasons. But for many people, it may stem from their childhood relationship with caregivers. Babies cry to express their needs, and some caregivers may respond insensitively or may not respond at all. This is the first social attachment that babies have, and it becomes a pattern that they learn from.

1. Over the years, this early attachment develops into the way we understand relationships and affects how we behave in adult relationships.
2. Fear of intimacy can also be due to childhood trauma, such as the loss of a parent or abuse.
3. This causes the person to have difficulty trusting others.
4. It could also be because of a personality disorder, such as avoidant personality disorder or schizoid personality disorder,

People with personality disorders have patterns of thinking and behaving that are different from what society expects, which makes it hard for them to form close relationships. Several signs can indicate that you or someone you know may have a fear of intimacy.

1. Here are some signs to watch out for: Sabotaging Relationships Someone with a fear of intimacy may sabotage their relationships with others.
2. Some might avoid maintaining relationships, pull back from conflicts, or hold back from being emotionally close to the other person.
3. Others may react intensely to situations, such as being controlling or overly critical, using guilt on their partner to express hurt, or being clingy.

A History of Short Relationships Some people might call this being a “serial dater,” where, after a few dates, the person seems to lose interest and the relationship ends. But this could also refer to someone having many friends but none who really know them.

Perfectionism Perfectionists can find it hard to form intimate relationships. They demand a lot of themselves and sometimes of others. They have extreme concern about how others see them. They may see their partners as holding impossible expectations for the relationship, leading to anger and conflict.

Relationships are not easy, and a fear of intimacy may be more common than you’d expect, as not many people would own up to it. A survey has shown that loneliness may be on the rise, with 42% of people saying that they have felt depressed because they felt alone.

Create a Safe Space A person who fears intimacy may act in ways that push their partner away. They may shut down or run away. Try not to take it personally. It’s sometimes easier for them to behave in ways that are familiar to them. They may need space and time. Try not to react with anger or frustration but be patient and supportive.

Confront Your Fears and Emotions This will feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s important to start expressing your feelings and fears. Say what you feel and not what you think you should say. Learning about feeling words can help you express yourself.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who has a fear of intimacy, learn to gently tell your partner what they might be feeling and why you think they’re feeling this way. This could help them become more aware of their feelings. Look Into Your Past An important step in building intimate relationships is looking back at your early relationships with your family.

Research has shown that childhood experiences with our parents or main caregivers are linked to our expectations and beliefs about adult relationships. If we don’t understand and confront our past, we’ll end up repeating the patterns that resulted in this fear.

Why am I pushing my parents away?

According to Smith, many teens will use anger to create boundaries with their parents in order to experiment with autonomy. ‘When teens push away their parents away, what they’re really looking to do subconsciously is figure out if there is space for them in this house,’ Smith says.

Do guys push you away when they like you?

#3: You Are Too Clingy – Remember when I said above that a man will push a woman away because it serves him somehow? Well, men will definitely do this if they feel like you’re being too clingy. Even if he’s in love with you, sometimes when you’re too clingy that it’s suffocating him or taking too much value, he’ll just push you away.