Why Does My Mum Hate Me?

Why Does My Mum Hate Me

What do I do if my mum doesn’t like me?

A Word From Verywell – Not everyone will like you, but there are certain people in our lives that are largely considered exempt from this rule. In particular, mothers are usually members of the close circle of loved people we expect to cherish us in our interactions.

Is my mom toxic or am I overreacting?

Common signs of a toxic mother include ignoring boundaries, controlling behavior, and abuse in severe cases. Toxic mothers cannot recognize the impacts of their behavior, and children grow up feeling unloved, overlooked, or disrespected.

Why does my mom say hurtful things to me?

What to Do When Your Mom Says Hurtful Things: Ways to Cope

  1. Breathe deeply to control your emotions and soothe yourself. It’s completely normal to feel your temper rise if she said something really mean. However, don’t immediately react or argue— to calm yourself. It may help to picture a comforting scene or just walk out of the room to get some space.
    • If you can’t leave your home, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Imagine a place that makes you feel happy and safe. Really take a moment to imagine the scene using all of your senses.
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  1. Acknowledging her thoughts and feelings can help you figure out how to talk with her. Before you talk to her, ask yourself why she said what she said. Take a moment to consider how your mom is feeling or thinking. This can make your conversation easier.
    • For example, you might think about your mother’s childhood or how she was raised. Maybe she’s dealing with trauma and doesn’t know how to work through it. This might help you realize that her hurtful comments are more about her inability to cope than anything you actually did.
  1. Express yourself so your mom knows that you’re hurt. It can be scary or overwhelming to approach your mom and discuss what she said, but it’s a big step. Keep your calm and use a respectful tone of voice, so she’s more likely to listen to you. Make sure you tell her why you’re upset and what you’d like to see change.
    • when you talk to your mom, so she doesn’t get defensive. For example, say, “When you said you’re disappointed in me, I felt worthless,” or, “I felt really stressed out when you said I don’t help out enough.”
    • This can feel really hard or scary, but taking small steps—even just saying something short like, “I feel terrible when you call me names,”—tells her that her behavior is harmful. With practice, you can build up to longer, deeper conversations.
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  1. Put emotional space between the two of you to protect your feelings. If your mom repeatedly hurts your feelings and says harmful, insensitive things, it might be time to put some emotional space between the two of you. —where you emotionally distance from what she says. If you can’t physically leave, mentally detach by repeating a useful mantra like:
    • “I’m not responsible for my mom’s feelings.”
    • “I don’t need my mother’s approval.”
    • “I will not rise to my mom’s hurtful challenge.”
  1. Identify behaviors you want her to stop to give her consequences. You may not feel like you’re in control of your relationship, but you can, Boundaries are for you—you’re standing up for yourself and telling your mom that her behavior is unacceptable.
    • You might say, “If you can’t talk to me without calling me names, then I can’t interact with you,” “You can’t verbally abuse me,” or, “You’re not allowed to call me names.” Your consequences could include refusing to respond to her or leaving the house.
    • If you’re setting boundaries to assert your independence, it’s really important that you follow through on commitments that you make to your mom. For instance, if you tell her that you need free time to do stuff after school, but that you’ll be home for dinner, make a point of showing up on time. This demonstrates your maturity.
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  1. Take care of your mental wellbeing by stopping harmful negative talk. If your mom says hurtful things, you might start to believe them unless you, If you think something like, “I must be a bad person,” stop and tell yourself, “Actually, I’m quite a good person.” Repeat these positive thoughts and eventually, you’ll believe them.
    • For example, if you think, “I feel so criticized,” tell yourself, “I might not be perfect, but I do my best.”
    • Turn a negative thought like, “I feel so angry and unloved,” to, “I know I’m a lovable person and I know ways to calm myself down.”
  1. Hearing hurtful things can be hard, so take care of yourself. Shift the focus from your mom—you can’t change her, but you can make positive improvements in your own life. Try to get plenty of sleep, healthy movement, and nutritious food, and, too! Here are a few great ways to care for yourself:
    • Meditate.
    • Learn a skill you’ve always wanted to try.
    • Get out into nature.
    • Treat yourself to coffee or your favorite dessert.
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  1. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you to you feel valued. Take a break from the stress and anxiety that comes from interacting with your mom. Reach out to friends and loved ones who truly care about you—even calling or texting can make you feel better. If you’re up to it, share about the relationship with your mom, or just enjoy knowing that you’re around people who love you for who you are.
    • If you’re not sure who to talk to or you’d like to talk with someone who’s going through a similar experience, join a support group for the children of toxic parents. You could find a group online or ask a counselor for recommendations.
    • If you’d like to develop a support network, join an activity or club so you can meet new people who have similar interests.
  1. Get help if your mom is physically abusive or you fear for your safety. If you feel like your mom is toxic and abusive, you need to Reach out to someone who can help you. This might be a school counselor, a relative, or a teacher.
    • For instance, if your mom is screaming things at you and throwing things, get to a safe spot and call a relative to come pick you up.
    • Don’t hesitate to call 911 if you’re afraid for your safety. If you can’t call emergency services, go to a public space like a business or library that has a yellow “Safe Place” sign. They’ll arrange for you to talk with counselors or get the help you need.
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  1. Talk with a therapist who can help you process what you’re feeling. It’s totally natural to feel hurt and alone if your mom is unkind to you. You may not know who can talk to about your complicated relationship, but there are people who want to help you! A therapist or a counselor at your school can help you figure out ways to talk with your mom, or can help you move forward with your life if you’ve decided to step away from the relationship.
    • You can talk to a personal therapist or find one who specializes in family conflicts. If you’re still in school, talk with your counselor, who can also help you find resources you need.
  1. Let go of your anger and resentment to, Forgiveness is complicated—it’s not something you can force yourself to do. Instead, you’ll know you’re ready to forgive her when you don’t need her approval, and when you take control of your own happiness.
    • You don’t have to verbally forgive your mom, although you could say something like, “I forgive you for the hurtful things you said. I hope we can move past it.”
    • It’s fine to mentally recognize that you’ve gotten over the hurt that your mom caused and that you’ve forgiven her.
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  • Question My dad is verbally abusive and my mom doesn’t say anything about it. I have no support system. No friends or boyfriend. I am alone. Consider talking to your mom about it or contact a help line to get help right away.
  • Question I have tried these methods. I even rehearse what to say, but it doesn’t work. What do I do? Do not be afraid of anything. There is no need to be rehearsed. Just follow your true feelings and express them.
  • Question Why do I always try to fix my relationship with my mom even though she hurts me emotionally and mentally? Because she is your mom. She’s a part of your family, and you love her. So that is why you are trying to fix the relationship, even if she makes you feel stressful.

Ask a Question Advertisement This article was written by and by wikiHow staff writer,, Dr. Sirvart Mesrobian is a Clinical Psychologist based in West Los Angeles and Glendale, California. With over nine years of professional and research experience, Dr.

  1. Mesrobian specializes in individual, family, and couples treatment for young adults and adults. Dr.
  2. Mesrobian provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, motivational interviewing, trauma-focused treatments, and other services.
  3. She earned a Master’s in Psychology and a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University.

This article has been viewed 70,867 times.

  • Co-authors: 6
  • Updated: May 20, 2023
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Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 70,867 times.

“This helped because my mom says some very hurtful things that I usually keep inside and only tell my little sister and friends. But now I can tell her how I really feel and how she hurts me emotionally. We talked and I feel much better.”,”

: What to Do When Your Mom Says Hurtful Things: Ways to Cope

Why does my mom like my siblings more than me?

Your Sibling Was Far More Sensitive – Differences in how your mom treated you and your siblings may have also stemmed from your varied personalities. For example, were you always fairly independent, while your sibling was much more sensitive and in need of comfort? As Hershenson says, “Sensitive children often need more attention and more coddling.

What is cold mother syndrome?

What is cold mother syndrome? – A mother who exhibits emotional distance, lack of affection, and a restricted capacity to respond to her child’s emotional needs is said to have “Cold Mother Syndrome”. The child’s future psychological development, sense of self, and capacity for healthy relationships may all be negatively impacted by this emotional separation.

  1. Whilst children develop their sense of their world, the main influencing factor upon how they respond to others is their attachment type with their primary caregiver, in most cases the mother.
  2. Ainsworth identified 3 main attachment types: Secure (Type B), insecure-avoidant (Type A) and insecure-resistant (Type C), all of which affect the child’s future relationships as it acts as a exemplar model.

In many cases a mother suffers the ‘cold syndrome’ due to childhood traumas which resulted in their attachment type with their own mother to be unhealthy; Type A or Type C, therefore they are incapable of having a healthy relationship with their child due to lack of affection during their own childhood.

What means mommy issues?

What Are Mommy Issues? – Mommy issues are known as psychological challenges, stemming from strained relationships with mothers or mother figures during the formative years. These challenges can manifest as negative self-image, trust issues, and emotional difficulties in adulthood.

  • Understanding and addressing mommy issues is essential for personal growth, healing, and building healthier relationships.
  • If you’re experiencing mommy issues in one way or another, your relationship with your mother was likely lacking.
  • Most people agree that the mother-child relationship is one of the most important dynamics in life.

It’s logical that if you had an unhealthy or complicated relationship with your mother, especially during your childhood, it could easily have an impact on your adult relationships or affect a healthy relationship with a romantic partner. It could be that your mother was too controlling or that she was loving but failed to provide essential emotional support.

  1. Maybe she manipulated you in a harsh way or she abused or neglected you.
  2. Mommy issues can result from many different maternal behaviors, and you might be surprised to learn that some of them are seemingly innocent or even appear to be well-meaning on the surface.
  3. Not all mommy issues are the result of abuse or neglectful behavior.

Mommy issues can result from both overly permissive and overprotective mothers. Some mothers are more focused on being their child’s best friend rather than providing solid, structured maternal leadership and emotional support. While a proud, doting mother certainly seems admirable, sometimes these are the exact types of relationships that can become toxic and cause long-term detriment.

What are toxic traits of ADHD?

Signs of a Toxic Relationship – As a reminder, even healthy relationships will have periods of toxicity or display unhealthy patterns — particularly during times of increased stress or conflict. However, what makes a toxic relationship distinct is that these issues are persistent and occur long-term.

Jealousy Negativity Insecurity Selfishness Dishonesty Hostility Lack of support Lack of consistency Toxic communication — such as contempt, criticism, and sarcasm Controlling behavior and distrust Abusive — this is also inclusive of emotionally abusive behaviors, such as gaslighting, love bombing, breadcrumbing etc. Disrespectful Financial abuse or dishonesty

Are my parents toxic or am I?

4 Signs You Are the Child of a Toxic Parent Managing toxic people in your life is very different based on your relationship to the individual. For example, if you have a toxic friend or are someone who is toxic, it is possible to restrict, limit, or cease your interactions with that individual to remove yourself from the negative impact they have on your life.

However, when the toxic individuals are your parents or the parents of your spouse or partner, the options for simply eliminating the relationship are often not realistic or possible. In these types of situations, and in particular with toxic parents, finding effective ways to manage the relationship to preserve your emotional health is a critical consideration.

Some of the common signs of a toxic parent or parents include:

Highly negatively reactive. Toxic parents are emotionally out of control. They tend to dramatize even minor issues and see any possible slight as a reason to become hostile, angry, verbally abusive, or destructive. Lack of, The toxic person or parent is not able to empathize with others. Instead, everything is about them and their needs, and they fail to see how anything they do could be seen by others as disruptive, harmful, or hurtful. Extremely controlling. The most toxic the individual, the more they want to control everything and everyone in their vicinity. This means over- and making unreasonable demands even on adult children. Highly critical. The toxic parent cannot or will not see the achievements of their children, regardless of how accomplished the child is or becomes as an adult. They are constantly putting down people around them while making themselves out to be exceptional,, or talented. Blaming everyone else. The disharmony, disagreements, hostility, and family breakdown caused by the toxic parent is always the fault of someone else. These parents cannot take responsibility for any problems, but blame the rest of the family and twist or manipulate how they see these events.

How to Handle Toxic Parents The first and most important factor for adult children of toxic parents to realize is that they can only control their behaviors, they do not have the ability to change or control the behaviors their parent or parents choose to use.

Boundaries. Setting boundaries or limits and clearly defining what you will accept and what you will not accept is crucial. Be clear in defining these boundaries, and limit contact with your parents to keep your time together positive and healthy. Control the location. Setting the location for your interactions with the toxic parent is also a way to limit problem behaviors. Meeting in a public space allows you to leave if they do not respect your boundaries, and it also creates a neutral place where you are less likely to fall into old patterns of behavior, a common issue if you meet in the family home. Self-care. Be kind to yourself. You do not need to spend every holiday or special event with your parents. Instead, spend time with people that are positive, make you feel great about yourself, and that encourage you to continue to be the wonderful person you are.

Talking to a therapist or counselor can also be instrumental in helping understand the impact toxic parents have had on your life and developing effective strategies for the relationship going forward. References Darlene Lancer, J.L. (2018, August 31).12 Clues a Relationship with a Parent Is Toxic. Why Does My Mum Hate Me : 4 Signs You Are the Child of a Toxic Parent

Do I have mommy issues?

Mommy issues refer to problems forming or maintaining healthy adult relationships, due to a person’s insecure or unhealthy relationship with their mother or another female figure in their childhood. It can lead to a negative self-image, low levels of trust, and other issues.

  1. The presence, comfort, and care a child receives from their primary caregivers during their formative years have a significant impact on their well-being and development.
  2. Mothers play a vital role in the child’s development.
  3. Babies typically develop their first attachments with their mothers.
  4. Any disruption or change in this crucial dynamic between the mother and child can have a lasting impact on the child’s overall well-being and how they form relationships.

This article explores “mommy issues,” what causes them, and the symptoms of a person with these issues. It also discusses its impacts on relationships and what a person can do if they have mommy issues. Mommy issues generally refer to a person’s problems stemming from unhealthy relationship dynamics with their mothers while growing up.

Upon birth, infants depend on their parents, primarily their mothers, for their physical needs and safety. Experts consider the mother’s role to be the most important in early childhood. Separating young children (less than 3 years old) from their mothers may lead to delays in social-emotional development.

A person’s attachment to their mother has an impact on the person’s development, particularly in their social-emotional development. This does not mean that their mother was bad. However, the mother’s actions may have influenced and affected the person’s view of themselves.

  • Certain psychological concepts can help explain mommy issues.
  • As a child grows up, they need to have a committed relationship with at least one attachment figure who can provide safety and security.
  • Children trust them to notice and respond to their needs.
  • Mommy issues also have roots in John Bowlby’s attachment theory.

This theory suggests that babies have an innate need to form a close, emotional bond with their primary caregiver, typically the mother. According to the theory, the quality of the bond determines how well a person relates to and forms intimate relationships in adulthood.

  1. If a person experiences an insecure, abusive, or chaotic relationship with their mother, they may develop an attachment disorder,
  2. This can affect their ability to form and maintain relationships with others.
  3. There are many types of unhealthy, toxic, or abusive parent-child dynamics that can cause children to develop attachment issues as adults.

Some of these may include:

Covert incest (also known as enmeshment): A parent may depend on a child for the emotional needs a romantic partner would offer. The parent and child become overly involved in each other’s lives, which impacts the child’s development and relationships with others. Controlling behavior : A parent may exert an unhealthy level of control over their child’s life, using emotional or physical threats or manipulation tactics to get the child to do as they wish. Emotional abuse : This involves a parent acting in a way to control, isolate, or intimidate a child. A parent may shame a child for their shortcomings, feel jealous of their relationships, or humiliate them in front of others. Child abuse : This involves the physical, emotional, or sexual mistreatment of children. A parent may neglect their child’s needs, force a child to engage in sexual activity, or physically abuse them. Maternal childhood neglect and abuse are associated with diminished psychological well-being in later life. Parentification : A child may have had inappropriate responsibilities placed on them by a parent, in a reversal of roles. This may involve providing financial or emotional support or caring for a parent with a chronic illness. Narcissistic abuse : This is a form of abuse stemming from narcissistic behaviors, A narcissistic parent may see their child as superior, leading to an over-inflated ego in the child. A child of a narcissistic parent may also face aggression or abuse.

A 2016 study found that parent-child relationships are associated with adolescent self-worth. High self-worth in turn is associated with higher life satisfaction, happiness, and well-being. A 2018 study also found that the length of maternity leave a person takes has a direct association with the quality of mother-child interactions and indirectly affects the child’s attachment security.

The term “mommy issues” is loosely defined, and while studies do not focus on this concept specifically, there is a lot of research on how unhealthy, abusive, and neglectful mother-child relationships affect people as adults. Mommy issues may simply be a term that describes the insecure attachment styles a person develops in order to cope.

There are different types of attachment disorders, and symptoms or behaviors depend on the mother’s characteristics, the child’s experiences, and how they internalize, interpret, and recall the events of their childhood.

What are hurtful words to say?

Hurtful words You know the saying – ” sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me “. It’s wrong. Words are powerful weapons and can do a lot of damage. ” You’re *#@!% stupid. ” ” I wish you were never born. ” ” No one is ever going to love you, you’re so *#@!% fat and ugly.

You never get anything right. ” ” You’re worthless. ” These are mean and degrading things to say to someone. They hurt. And, they can undermine a person’s self-confidence and feelings of belonging and happiness. Saying hurtful things, swearing at you, threatening to wreck your stuff or clothes, and yelling at you constantly are all examples of emotional abuse.

It is also emotional abuse to ignore you for long periods of time. Emotional abuse is another type of family violence. If this has happened to you First, remind yourself that every human being is worthy and capable of loving and being loved, including you.

Now, think about how you feel. Has hearing someone say mean things to you got you down? Do you feel alone? Sad? If you do, try talking to someone you trust about how you feel. A family friend, a relative, your neighbour, teacher, coach, doctor – there are a lot of people who will listen to you and remind you that you’re a special and important person.

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Why does my mom not care about my feelings?

What to Do When Parents Don’t Meet Your Emotional Needs Source: Keegan Houser/Pexels The societal belief is that children and parents should accept each other for who they are “no matter what,” should each other “no matter what,” and should learn to get along “no matter what.” For some children, this is impossible because they find themselves mistreated, disrespected, and continually triggered.

The thinking is rooted in it not being “natural” for parents and children to be disengaged. It counters the standard belief that the parent-child relationship “should be” connected, committed, and based on enduring unconditional love. If you are searching through Hallmark cards, it is doubtful that any other parent-child relationship exists.

The Result of Lacking Emotional Support From Parents For children who don’t have the emotional support of parents readily and feasibly available to them, the thinking can be, “If my own parents, who are supposed to love me and be there for me more than anyone else in the world do not love me and aren’t there for me, then who will be?” It’s a double whammy when there’s a lack of emotional support from both parents.

Reasons for the detachment may be due to intergenerational and personal, an absence of, mental health issues, substance use and abuse issues, fragmented problem solving and conflict resolution skills, and a variety of other challenges. When these instances occur, it can lead to off, distancing, and disengaged family relationships.

Children are often left with feelings of, feeling awkward or different, and not being intrinsically understood. These intensify during general holidays, Mother’s and Father’s Day, and special occasions. When the “average” American families are getting together to celebrate and connect, these individuals are worrying about how they will emotionally get through these events, and who, if anyone, they will choose to spend their time with.

  • Examples of Needs Not Being Met Currently during the pandemic, patients have reported that their feelings of isolation and loneliness are pervasive.
  • During this prolonged time, it is continually emphasized to them that they don’t have a “go-to” parent to receive emotional support from.
  • Others express sadness over friends and others who complain about being distanced from their parents and family because of socially distancing.

They express wishing that they had parents to long for. One woman recalled feeling activated when her father was marijuana in his bedroom and the smoke was seeping through the vents where her children were, She stated, “If it weren’t bad enough that I had to be put in the position of asking him to stop smoking, it triggered my memories and feelings related to when my father abused cocaine during my,

I once again found myself feeling lonely, confused, and unsafe.” A male client recalled showing his father a magazine article he authored and where his photo appeared. He recollected, “I approached my father excited to share my accomplishments. The first thing he said was, ‘That picture of you is awful, couldn’t they have published a better one?’ I couldn’t believe that was what was most important to him.

He didn’t even bother to ask what the subject of the article was and congratulate me for it. That’s what I typically get from him—criticism and disappointment in me.” I have other clients who are ignored for weeks and months at a time because of something they said or potentially did, and for some of them, an explanation is withheld and the ability to talk things through or reconcile is thwarted.

Formulating a Relationship With Emotionally Absent Parents Some individuals experience being disconnected from their parents in, and the relationship improved once they matured into adulthood, others were relatively connected during their childhood, and the relationship disintegrated as they matured, while others recall having difficulty in the relationship throughout their developmental stages.

As a result, some individuals decide to cut off their relationship with their parents. In some instances, communities and people outside of the family become a surrogate family for them. Others choose to maintain a relationship with strict boundaries in place.

Still others continually engage in the relationship and tend to find themselves in a recurrent pattern of hopefulness and disappointment because of neglecting to get their emotional needs met. What’s reported to me as being the most distressing is the perpetual thoughts of “not being good enough,” contemplating whether or not to engage and re-engage in the relationship, perseverating over whether others are judging them over the demise of the relationship, and constantly analyzing whether or not they are the one at fault for certain circumstances and in general regarding the state of the relationship.

One client expressed to me, “I’m basically a good person with a nice family and a stable, You would think I’m a convicted criminal, the way I’m treated by my parents. Even criminals are supported by their families.” Individuals talk to me about feeling as if they are banging their head against the wall because it is “crazy-making.” They desperately want to be approved of, therefore they re-engage and often come out of the experience being shamed, ridiculed, and the incident being distorted to fit the script and preconceived notions of their parents.

Many speak of feeling a sense of validation, normalization, and relief when they have someone to witness the event. A client expressed, “When I was younger, I was stuck between confusion and feeling like I was going crazy. I found myself frequently questioning whether it was me or them that was misconstruing things.

It was the two of them against me, and sometimes they pulled my siblings into it too. I found myself naturally assuming they must all be right and I’m wrong.” As a child, the thinking may have been, “If only I were good enough, smart enough, likable enough, loveable enough, then my parents would love and accept me.” In adulthood, it could be daunting to discover that there is nothing that they can say or do, whereby they can make the cut.

  1. Contributing to the confusion is when a parent’s behavior toward their child is erratic and includes moments of connection, balanced out with moments of toxicity.
  2. A child is left wondering when the next shoe will drop and often feel that they must walk on eggshells to avoid eliciting a hurtful reaction or behavior by their parent(s).

There are tips regarding how to cope better when emotional needs weren’t met by parents. These tips can help compel emotionally neglected children to gain insight and self-awareness, heal, and advance toward a thriving and meaningful life.12 Tips on How to Heal, Cope, and Thrive

  1. Whenever possible, do your due diligence and test your assumptions and preconceived notions about your parents and other family members if they are involved too. Before choosing to cut off, give them opportunities to be supportive and provide you with the support you need. You may need to accomplish this with some assistance from a therapist, friend, or other family member.
  2. Recognize that experiencing loss and feeling bereft is part of the process for acceptance. You may periodically hold onto disappointment and sadness when you are triggered but the intense pain and struggle can decrease and dissipate.
  3. Guide family, friends, and loved ones regarding how you need to be directly supported, especially during challenging moments when you’re triggered (e.g., that they shouldn’t make light of your feelings, that they should ask how you’re coping during Mother’s and Father’s Day, that all you need is to be actively listened to, not be given advice, etc.).
  4. Expect that your feelings may ebb and flow during different events and developmental stages. Give yourself the compassion to allow yourself to be where you are without judgment. For example, even though you “should” keenly focus and feel immense for your immediate family during Thanksgiving, show yourself self-compassion by allowing yourself to feel sad and disappointed because you are mournful about your family of origin relationships.
  5. Recognize that you may experience (e.g., it feels as if you are an adolescent again) when you interact with your parents and family members. Realize that feelings do not just disappear with time. Even more so, if you continue to be treated similarly, it is more likely to evoke primitive thoughts and feelings. If your functioning is negatively impacted or it causes distress, make it a point to seek out help to process it all.
  6. Become an observer and notice distinct dynamics and patterns of behavior. When those dynamics and patterns arise, recognize, observe, and proactively learn more about them. In the end, make it a point to defuse from them, rather than getting sucked into them.
  7. Setting appropriate boundaries does not define you as being “selfish,” “mean,” and “non-caring.” Even if you are socialized to believe that this is something you shouldn’t be doing, the circumstance necessitates it, because you have the fundamental right to be respected, valued, and treated well.
  8. Because of the inherent need to be love and accepted, you may have placated others at your own expense. Seek to understand your needs and cultivate them from viable healthful relationships.
  9. Reality test your negative self-beliefs and the continual negative messages you may be receiving from your parents or other family members. For example, ask yourself, do other people see you the way they do?
  10. React and act from your core values (e.g., self-preservation, thoughtfulness, etc.). They will always lead you in the direction of the actions that you want to be taking.
  11. Be aware that you are likely to gravitate toward emotionally unavailable friends and partners, even if rationally, you want emotional connection and, Habitually, we move toward common patterns of behavior. We are drawn to what is familiar and comfortable even if it evokes negative emotions and doesn’t serve us well. Be cognizant and conscious of this “repetition compulsion” and even if it evokes discomfort, be sure to move toward what is best for you and what is in line with what it is that you truly want.
  12. Understand that you are not your family or your family dynamics. Create a new script and narrative for yourself that facilitates improved relationships now and into the future.

What’s incredibly rewarding for me is to witness when individuals evolve into a place of self-love and self-compassion. Instantaneously they recognize they are deserving of love and respect and their relationships follow suit. They seek out and secure healthier and more functional relationships which make them feel more satisfied and joyful.

I want to remind you that you are innately lovable and likable. Seek to define what being “good enough” means to you personally. Cultivate the kind of life you want to be living. Take but a moment, close your eyes, and consider this your new, You are enough. Enjoy a Hope and Renewal Guided led by me and consider to my other guided meditations.

More from Psychology Today Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. Why Does My Mum Hate Me

More from Michelle P. Maidenberg Ph.D., MPH, LCSW-R, CGP More from Psychology Today : What to Do When Parents Don’t Meet Your Emotional Needs

Why does my mom get mad when I cry?

From the perspective of a parent: Sometimes we get frustrated if our child is crying and we don’t understand why, or can’t figure out how to help them, but we need to learn to be patient and not take those frustrations out on the child.

Why younger siblings are loved more?

The Youngest Sibling Tends to be Mom and Dad’s Favorite—Here’s Why When it comes to playing favorites, every mother will tell you that she loves her children equally. However, she may be fibbing because researchers are now saying that your mom and dad actually favor the baby of the family.

  • While the kid, mom and dad favor the youngest for a reason that might surprise you.
  • According to a conducted by Brigham Young University’s School of Family Life, the youngest sibling of the family tends to be mom and dad’s favorite child because of perception.
  • If the younger sibling feels like they’re the favorite child, their bond with their parents is strengthened and the entire family begins to perceive the youngest siblings as the favorite.

So because they are perceived to be the favorite-they actually become the favorite by default. For the study, researchers examined 300 families, each with two teenagers. The teens were asked to describe their relationship with their parents. Younger sibling who said they are their parents’ favorite notes a closer bond with their parents- if their parents agreed.

  1. But if their parents disagreed, their relationship suffered.
  2. However, if the older sibling felt they were the favorite, it actually had no effect on their bond with their parents.
  3. So basically younger children are more likely to perceive their parents prefer them, and then everyone around them believes it is true.

That’s how the baby becomes the favorite. “It’s not that first-borns don’t ever think about their siblings and themselves in reference to them,” says BYU School of Family Life assistant professor Alex Jensen. “It’s just not as active of a part of their daily life.

If your family has more than two kids, don’t worry, middle child, we’ve got a few answers for you, too. “If you had to ask me, ‘Do we see the same thing with the second born and third born?’ I think probably so,” says Jensen. “The youngest kid looks up to everybody, the next youngest kid looks up to everyone older than them, and it just kind of goes up the line.” While we can’t do much about who is the favorite from our childhood, we can look at the way we parent our own children.

“When parents are more loving and they’re more supportive and consistent with all of the kids, the favoritism tends to not matter as much,” Jensen says. : The Youngest Sibling Tends to be Mom and Dad’s Favorite—Here’s Why

What is the middle child syndrome?

If you are a middle child, or have a sibling who is a middle child, you may be wondering if “middle child syndrome” is a real thing. Middle child syndrome is the belief that middle children are excluded, ignored, or even outright neglected because of their birth order.

  • According to the lore, some children may have certain personality and relationship characteristics as a result of being the middle child.
  • In this article, we will explore whether middle child syndrome is a real, common characteristic of middle children, and what the science says about birth order and middle child syndrome.

In 1964, Alfred Adler developed a theory on the importance of birth order on personality development. In his theory, he claims that although children may be born into the same household, their birth order greatly influences their psychological development.

The oldest child is more authoritarian and feels all-powerful due to the high expectations often set by the parents.The youngest child is treated like a spoiled baby and can never rise above the other siblings.The middle child is even-tempered but has trouble fitting in due to being sandwiched between the younger and older siblings.

This theory paved the way for a deeper look into how birth order affects someone’s psychological development. However, Adler’s theory was just a theory, and research has since shown conflicting results about the impact of birth order. How might being a middle child influence someone’s personality and relationships? Below are some common ideas about the characteristics of middle children.

Why does my mom treat me differently?

Download Article Download Article It can be frustrating when you feel like your parents are treating your siblings better than you. Before you get too upset, though, recognize that you and your sibling have different interests, hobbies, and skills, and might need to be parented differently.

  1. 1 Outline your emotions in a journal beforehand if it helps you plan the conversation. Feelings related to parental favoritism can be complicated and messy. Writing it out can help you get a better handle of what’s going on. Try writing a first draft to just “let it out.” Then, a few days later, organize your thoughts to be ready for a conversation.
    • If you’re worried about someone reading it, try hiding it somewhere or ripping it up into tiny unreadable pieces over the recycling bin.
    • You can also draft a letter if you don’t think you can handle discussing it face-to-face.
  2. 2 Choose a good time to talk. Look for a time when your parent is calm and not too distracted with chores or to-do lists. This will help make sure that your parent isn’t distracted and can focus on listening to you.
    • During a long car ride
    • After dinner
    • On a neighborhood walk
    • While doing a simple chore (like folding laundry) together


  3. 3 Try telling your parents how you feel. Your goal is to communicate your emotions assertively without being aggressive. Use “I” language instead of “you” language to emphasize your emotions. For example, saying “I feel ignored” is better than saying “you’re ignoring me.” Here are some examples:
    • “I feel left out lately. Sometimes I feel like you’re so busy taking care of the baby that you don’t have enough time for me, but when I try to get attention you yell at me.”
    • “I feel hurt sometimes when I try to make plans to spend time with you and they get canceled, and then I see you hanging out with Arthur. It makes me feel like I don’t matter as much to you.”
    • “I know that Kaja is going through a rough time lately and I’m glad you’re there for her. I don’t know if you realized that I’m struggling too. I would like to be able to talk to you about it, but sometimes I worry that you don’t have time for me.”

    Did You Know? Some people cry during these conversations. That’s normal, and it shows your parent(s) that this is really affecting you. Let them comfort you. And if you want to plan ahead, pick a conversation spot where there are tissues available.

  4. 4 Bring up a few examples if you’re brave enough. Sometimes you might not need examples, because labeling your feelings may be enough for them to understand. But if they seem confused or if they ask you to explain, you might bring up an example or two.
    • “You went to almost all of John’s football games last season, but you only attended one of my volleyball games. Why is that?”
    • “The last time Imani got sick, you were always bringing her food, comforting her, and checking in on her. When I got sick last week, you left me alone. It made me feel like I didn’t matter.”
    • “Lee got to use the car right away when he turned 16. But when I asked, you said no. Did you have a specific reason for that?”
    • “I saw that you gave Olivia an expensive gaming laptop for her birthday. And on my birthday, you gave me a cheap tablet. I don’t mean to be materialistic, but at the same time, I felt let down.”

    Tip: Be prepared to hear the other side of the story if you bring up examples. Sometimes they’ll explain that your sibling truly needed them more or that your behavior didn’t justify extra privileges. The cause might not be favoritism.

  5. 5 Ask for what you’d like to happen. Talk about something specific that would help you feel closer to your parent(s). This lets them know how they can try to fix it and it gives them an opportunity to show them how much you care. Propose an idea that could help. Be willing to change the details based on what works for your parents.
    • “Could you please try to show up to more of my games? I feel so happy knowing you’re there to cheer me on.”
    • “I would like to be closer to you. Maybe we could take more walks in the evening? What do you think?”
    • “I understand what you mean when you say you’re really busy lately. What if I kept you company and helped out when you did chores?”
    • “If I helped Annie with her homework more often, would that help give you time for your to-do list so there would be time for us to play games sometimes?”
    • “I agree that Tom’s music lessons are good for him and I’m glad he’s getting them. Would you be willing to consider getting me martial arts lessons? I’d like to learn something too and I’ve always loved the idea of getting stronger and more disciplined.”
  6. 6 Step away if things get heated. Maybe your parents will get defensive or you’ll get angry. It’s hard to have a useful conversation if one or both people are too upset to think straight. If you see this happening, take a break.
    • If you feel upset by the conversation, then try taking a break and do some deep breathing, Try saying something like, “I will be right back. I just need a few minutes.”
    • Remember that you can always try again another day if you feel like you weren’t able to get your ideas across.
  7. 7 Remember that your parents have to make the decision to change. Sometimes talking about your feelings and/or making a plan is enough for them to change their behavior. Other times it isn’t. This typically isn’t your fault. The way they react to an honest conversation says how good they are at parenting, now how good you are at being their child.
    • You can’t change other people. You can only control your own behavior.
    • Sometimes people are willing to change their behavior. If your parent starts treating you more fairly, accept that this is a genuine choice and be willing to start forgiving.
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  1. 1 Face and work through your distressing feelings. You may feel sad, ashamed, or angry if one or both of your parents aren’t treating you fairly. These feelings are normal, but that doesn’t make them permanent, and they don’t have to define your life.
    • “Scapegoating” is when people act like something is your fault even though it isn’t. They may even convince you that you’re to blame. Remember that you control your behavior, and that other people control their own behavior.
    • Try visualization exercises. For example, if you think a negative thought about yourself, imagine it written on a balloon. Then picture letting go of the balloon and watching it float away into nothingness.
  2. 2 Deal with anger. Anger is a natural response to a perceived unfair situation. It only becomes toxic when you let it take control. Work on healthy ways to process your anger so it doesn’t seep into other aspects of your life.
    • Work on assertive and non-aggressive phrasing. Think about how your words could affect others and plan accordingly.
    • Let out anger through exercise, journaling, scribbling on and/or ripping up paper, smashing ice cubes in the bathtub, singing to loud music, or otherwise safely releasing emotion.
    • Script assertive phrases like “I don’t like the way you’re treating me” or “If you keep calling me names, I’m going to leave.”
  3. 3 Rebuild your self-esteem. If your parents spend years acting as though your other sibling(s) are smarter, funnier, or more interesting than you, you might start to believe them. Learn to identify self-defeating or critical thoughts and feelings and challenge them wherever possible.
    • The quickest way to disprove the lie that you have nothing of value to offer is to pursue your hobbies and interests. Work on things that you enjoy and are good at. The more you practice, the more skilled you become.
    • Provide encouragement for yourself. Every day when you wake, look in the mirror and say, “I have a life worth living and many people like me.”
    • Surround yourself with friend who care about you. Lean on them for support when you’re feeling blue.
  4. 4 Focus on finding and building healthy relationships. Look for people who respect you and care about you without making demands. These people may be family, friends, or mentors.
    • Remember, real love is given selflessly, without any expectation of anything in return.
    • Stay far away from cults, gangs, romantic relationships with much older people, and other unsafe situations. While you might feel like someone finally cares about you, that caring can come with danger and/or toxic baggage.
  5. 5 Don’t blame your sibling for the sins of your parents. Some “less favorite” siblings start seeing their sibling and their parent(s) as part of a conspiracy against them. But your sibling didn’t choose the favoritism; your parent(s) did. Don’t let bad parental choices poison the relationship.
    • Your parent(s) chose the favoritism. Your sibling didn’t.
    • If your sibling is old enough to understand what’s going on, talk to them about how your parents are mistreating you. Seek their advice and encourage them to speak up on your behalf.
    • Being the favorite child has downsides too. The favoritism may impair their social skills and harm their attitude. They may hide or change who they are in order to keep their parents’ approval, which can hurt their sense of identity. Some of them develop guilt or anxiety problems.
  6. 6 Keep your grades up. Children of parents who show favoritism to another child often have a hard time in school. Find a well-lit, quiet place to study. Do all your homework each night, and use a daily planner to schedule time for yourself to review for tests, write essays, and complete important projects ahead of time.
    • Stay organized. There are many apps available for your phone and tablet to help you better manage your time and keep track of your assignments. The Complete Class Organizer and iHomework are among the best.
    • Attend all your classes and take notes in each class.
    • Ask questions when you are confused or don’t understand something.
  7. 7 Identify and deal with depression, Depression is an illness involving low mood, low energy, and difficulty getting ordinary life tasks done. It’s a common side effect in kids whose parents treated them poorly relative to their siblings. A common course of treatment will combine antidepressants with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
    • CBT is a therapeutic method that helps you confront your negative thoughts directly and identify counterexamples to construct a logical case against feelings of depression. The goal is to change your thoughts and coping mechanisms to be more helpful.
    • Talk to a doctor or counselor if you think you may have signs of depression.
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  1. 1 Keep in mind that every relationship is different. Since we’re all unique, nobody relates to any two people in exactly the same way. Sometimes a parent might appear to favor you in some situations and favor a sibling in others. No parent can be perfect, but they should do their best to be fair.
    • It’s normal for parents to treat each child a little differently, because each kid might benefit from a slightly different approach. But systematic and repeated favoritism is definitely a problem.
  2. 2 Carefully consider the circumstances. While sometimes it’s favoritism, in other cases differences in treatment are a result of parents adapting to the kid’s needs and behavior. Asking yourself a few questions might help you figure out what’s really happening here.
    • Have punishments and privileges been earned? If one kid breaks more rules, they might get punished more. A kid who acts more responsible might get a few more privileges because they’ve proven they can be trusted. See if the behavior explains (or doesn’t explain) the consequences.
    • Are expectations and privileges age- and ability-appropriate? Older kids might get more freedom and responsibilities because they’re ready for it. But if a younger kid reaches the same age with the same skills and is treated very differently, that might signal a problem.
    • Do the same principles apply to different activities? If one kid has theater performances and one has football games, do parents make an effort to attend both?
    • Are all kids getting decent access to opportunities? Are all kids getting equal access to opportunities that are appropriate for their skills and interests?
    • Does one kid have higher needs right now? Circumstances like illnesses, bullying, disabilities, social problems, and other issues might mean that one kid needs more attention for some time. (Of course, parents should still make time for other kids too.)
  3. 3 Recognize when parents play favorites based on kids’ identities. Parents often treat children differently for reasons based solely on qualities that are nobody’s fault. Factors like birth order, genes, gender, and more sometimes lead to bias. Potential reasons include:
    • Birth order: Firstborn kids might get more attention and praise for being responsible and capable. Younger kids may be treated better because they’re seen as needing more attention. Middle kids may be forgotten.
    • Personality compatibility: Sometimes people just “click” better with each other. While this may happen in every family, it becomes a problem when it turns into overt favoritism.
    • Genetics: Some parents favor kids who are genetically “theirs” at the expense of stepchildren or adopted children.
    • Gender: Sometimes parents prefer kids who have the same gender as they do. In a patriarchal society, sons may be treated better than daughters. Another way of favoritism is that parents tend to be more affectionate, compassionate and patient with daughters and harsher with sons.
    • Disability: Some parents may respond harshly to kids with disabilities because they’re seen as being “too needy” or needing to “toughen up.” Other parents may be kinder to their disabled kids for fear that the kids won’t be treated well by the rest of the world.
    • LGBT+ identity: Prejudicial parents may be crueler to kids who come out as LGBT+.

    Tip: Don’t accept or place blame on kids for these things. Kids don’t choose the circumstances of their birth or basic identity. It’s parents’ fault if they decide that some kids deserve better or worse treatment based on these things.

  4. 4 Keep in mind how parental moods and mental disorders may impact things. Parents may show favoritism when they’re under stress (such as during marital or financial problems). Mental disorders sometimes cause dysfunctional thinking that may play into favoritism. Under stress, a parent may act without thinking, not realizing how their behavior is affecting their kids.
    • Kids who help a stressed parent more may sometimes become the favorite.
    • Personality disorders can sometimes impact favoritism. Parents with histrionic personality may favor kids who pay more attention or draw attention to them. Narcissistic parents may favor kids who build their ego and reject kids who somehow threaten their ego.

    Did You Know? While mental disorders can play a role in favoritism, neurotypical parents can also make bad parenting decisions. And many parents with mental disorders are able to be wonderful parents.

  5. 5 Recognize that parental favoritism is caused by the parents, not the kids. Even if a child is “difficult,” the parent still has the responsibility of treating them fairly and respectfully. The kids aren’t to blame for the parent’s decision to treat them differently.
    • Self-blame won’t fix it if you’re not being treated better. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. Even if you’ve made mistakes, your parent is responsible for their behavior.
    • Similarly, the “favorite” sibling hasn’t done anything to be treated better, nor did they ask for special treatment. This isn’t their fault.
  6. 6 Try to consider how your parents see things. How would your parents explain the differences in treatment? Even if you don’t agree with their reasoning, it helps to think about things from their point of view.
  7. 7 Recognize when bad parenting is actually abuse, If your parents are treating you as less important than a sibling or if they are cruel to you in other ways, then this may be abuse. Talk to a trusted adult if any child in the family is being abused. There are lots of different kinds of abuse, which may include:
    • Emotional abuse: Name-calling, unfair blaming, silent treatment, shaming, ignoring
    • Neglect: Refusing to provide enough food or clothes, not seeking care when you’re sick or injured
    • Physical abuse: Hitting/kicking/pushing you, restraining you, leaving cuts or bruises on purpose, threatening violence
    • Sexual abuse: Touching in intimate places, showing you pornography, talking about you in sexual ways, or forcing/convincing you to do sexual acts
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Add New Question

Question Why do parents treat my siblings differently? Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Licensed Family Counselor Expert Answer Each person is unique, so the reasons for the way your parents treat each of you might be different. However, if your parents are always blaming you for the family’s problems, that’s all wrong. That’s called scapegoating, and you need to remember that you are not the problem.

Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit Advertisement

Don’t cry, scream and throw a tantrum. This will just make the problem worse.

Advertisement Article Summary X To deal with your parents if they treat your siblings better, focus on standing up for yourself by telling your parents how you feel. For example, start a conversation by saying, “Mom and dad, I need to talk to you about not feeling as important as John.” Keep your thoughts positive even when your parents treat you unfairly by saying things to yourself like “I’m a winner,” since this will help you not to feel down.

What is the unloved daughter syndrome?

What Are the Symptoms of the Unloved Daughter Syndrome? – Why Does My Mum Hate Me If your daughter feels unloved, she may suffer from several emotional problems, Symptoms can include depression, anxiety, self-harm, and more. These feelings are often the result of the way her parents treated her during her childhood. If you believe your daughter has these symptoms, it is important to get help as soon as possible.

What is first time mom syndrome?

What is New Mother Syndrome? – New mother syndrome is a term that describes the feeling of sadness, anxiety, or loss that new mothers experience after giving birth. It is also known as postpartum depression. The symptoms of new mother syndrome can include: – Sadness – Anxiety – Loss of appetite – Insomnia – Restlessness Postpartum depression (PPD) is a type of depression that affects women following childbirth.

What is emotional trauma from the mother?

Why Does My Mum Hate Me Like the “Father Wound” there is also ” a “Mother Wound.” When the mother is emotionally unavailable, critical, or not attuned to the child’s needs, it plants seeds that can take years to change and transform. Being able to recognize and heal childhood wounds can be a challenging process, but with the right support and understanding, you will find healing and peace.

  1. The presence of a mother is a powerful thing in a child’s life.
  2. It is often believed the mother’s presence in her child’s life is the strongest attachment bond made with the child.
  3. Often a mother begins to attach to her child while the child is growing within the mother’s womb.
  4. Some of the greatest developmental milestones take place during infancy, Children’s ability to regulate attention, emotion, and arousal develops in the context of their primary caregiving relationships during infancy with their mothers and appears to be fundamental for the balance of the life span in organizing behavior, social relationships, and adaptive functioning.

The mother’s facial cues as she smiles down at her infant and her caressing her infant a sense of belong and being. The Mother Wound is an attachment trauma that creates a sense of confusion and devastation in the child’s psyche. It instills deeply rooted beliefs that make the child feel unloved, abandoned, unworthy of care, and even fearful of expressing themselves,

didn’t provide empathy to mirror the child’s emotions and help them label and manage those emotions

  • didn’t allow the child to express negative emotions
  • was extra critical
  • expected the child’s support with their own physical or emotional needs
  • wasn’t available to the child either because they had to work or because they were busy with their own interests (Do note, however: You can be a working mom — even a working single mom — without instilling the mother wound!)
  • had suffered emotional or physical abuse themselves, didn’t process the trauma, and was therefore unable to offer love and nurture
  • had an untreated mental health condition
  • experienced alcoholism or drug addiction

The mother and her son: Infant males who do not have secure attachments with their mothers go on to have behavioral problems later in life. Studies reveal that boys who do not bond securely with their mothers in the infant years act much more hostile, destructive, and aggressive later in life.

  • Overprotective mothers
  • Manipulative mother
  • Emotionally abusive mother
  • Detached mother

The signs of a dysfunctional mother-and-son relationship appear early on from the son’s childhood. Such a relationship affects the brain development and cognitive abilities of the child, resulting in difficulty bonding and learning, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and attachment issues.

  • When the mother has a unhealthy relationship with her son’s father and she feels her husband is not meeting her needs she may begin to pull upon her son to meet some of those needs.
  • Instead of her encouraging her son to learn to identify himself and have healthy boundaries with her she keeps him solely dependent upon herself.

The mother and son may develop an enmeshed relationship. This enmeshed relationship has been defined as ” emotional incest between the mother and son. The mother’s enmeshment with her son makes the son’s since of self so limited and fractured and his need for connection with his mother is so great the son is powerless over the relationship.

The enmeshed mother son relationship can cause the son to struggle to find his own identity as an adult man, keeping him powerless to have goals separate from his mothers, The enmeshment cab caused problems in every area of his life certainly effecting his romantic life with a girlfriend and later with a wife.

How a son can break the enmeshed relationship with his mother:

  1. Set boundaries. Learning to set boundaries is imperative if you’re going to change enmeshed relationships.
  2. Discover who you are! Enmeshment prevents us from developing a strong sense of self.
  3. Stop feeling guilty for not meeting your mother’s demands and needs and pursuing her own life.
  4. Get counseling and support.

A mother and her daughter: There is truly nothing like a beautiful and healthy mother-daughter relationship. Mothers have such power to help mold their daughters into kind, confident, strong, and grateful human beings. Healthy mothers can help their daughters establish healthy boundaries.

  • Nurture the daughters into healthy femininity and help her daughter establish her own identity.
  • The mother wound with daughters: Feeling belittled, abandoned, or misunderstood by your mother can feel incredibly isolating.
  • It makes you feel like an outsider, causes self-doubt, and makes it challenging to trust your own emotions.

Due to the disorienting nature of this trauma, women often dismiss the relevance of their stories, making it hard to untangle what’s truly going on behind closed doors. Five signs of an unhealthy mother relationship with daughters: Compulsive Controlling: From what toothbrush to use and which subjects to pick to whom to marry, the constant need to control the daughter is a glowering example of an unhealthy mother and Daughter relationship.

  • Manipulation: to get things done her way or fulfill her wishes is a classic example of an unhealthy mother daughter n relationship.
  • Crying, making the daughter feel bad, and gaining sympathy are a few ways some mothers tend to manipulate.
  • Verbally and physically abusive behavior is commonly exhibited by insecure mothers.

From giving the cold shoulder, calling names, comparing with others, using words to intentionally hurt, to punishing for the smallest of errors are signs of an unhealthy, toxic relationship. Verbal Threats: Another sign that a mother child relationship is toxic is the mother constantly threatening to leave the home.

  1. This results in abandonment issues later in life.
  2. Narcissistic Behavior: Narcissists are tough to impress.
  3. They have impossibly high standards.
  4. They do not see their children as an individual, but rather as an extension of themselves.
  5. As a result, the relationship takes an unhealthy turn when the expectations are not met by the child This, in turn, affects the son/ daughter future relationships with their friends, colleagues, and family members.

The Mother Wound in the daughter can cause: Attachment Problems Co-dependent patterns Depression and Anxiety Disordered eating and substance misuse. Mental health challenges that are causing significant distress in daily functioning Addressing and healing the Mother Wound for sons and daughters: We may often see the Father Wound more prevalent within the family system,

However, the deprivation and pain caused by the Mother Wound can be devastating to a child and in their development. Because of the deep attachment the mother forms with her child and when there is a break in the mother and child/ adult child relationship this can make it difficult for mother to accept any blame in the break, they often blame others such as the child’s father, the child him/herself, and their child’s spouses.

This can make the healing more complicated. If you are a child and have experienced wounding from your birth mother, you need to find a counselor to help you heal from effects of those wounds. Remember most parents do not sit up in bed at night trying to find ways to destroy their children’s lives.

Forgiving our mothers is essential to healing wounds they caused. Sometimes getting facts from people who knew your mother’s own childhood and what she may have endured can help you begin the healing process and forgiving. Gain an understanding of the heart of God, Invite Jesus into the wounds created by your birth mother.

Begin accepting the truth about yourself- that you are loved by God the Father. As you understand the truth about God’s love and come to know your True Self in Christ, it will free you to let go of the pain and forgive your mother, a new perspective created in you will now enable you to see your birth mother through different eyes and allow you to live in forgiveness and freedom.

What is an unhealthy attachment to the mother?

Unhealthy attachments tend to form when an individual experiences inconsistent, neglectful, or abusive care during infancy and early childhood. For example, a child whose parents provide inconsistent emotional support may develop an anxious attachment style.

What causes mommy issues in girls?

What Are Mommy Issues? – Mommy issues isn’t a term that’s easy to define, but in essence, it refers to the psychological challenges or personal issues you have as an adult that stems from your relationship with your mom while you were young and growing up.

Mommy issues may not just result from the relationship you had (and still have) with your mother; any unhealthy relationship with a female figure in your life during your childhood can result in the personal difficulties you deal with now that you are an adult. These other female figures would have played a notable role in your life, and they can be a grandmother, aunt, godmother, or other female caregiver.

What exactly constitutes unhealthy relationship dynamics with your mom (or older woman) that has impacted your life so severely and dramatically? You may have mommy issues because your mom was absent and neglected you, she may have abused or manipulated you, she was overly permissive, or she was overly protective and caring.

In general, these are all types of unhealthy mom-child relationships because your mother failed to be there for you in some way. She wasn’t what you needed during the whole of your childhood or during key moments, no matter how little or hard she tried to be a good mom. It’s important to note that adult men and women can have mommy issues (just like they can have daddy issues), but the signs of mommy issues may present or manifest differently depending on a person’s gender.

For example, in men, mommy issues present as anger issues, not being able to deal well with critique, difficulty taking responsibility, believing the world is unfair, being jealous of other people’s success, and constantly seeking external validation,

What is daddy issues for a girl?

The psychology behind daddy issues – Many people grow up in homes with fathers who are either physically or psychologically absent. As a result, people with daddy issues can have difficulty establishing mature relationships with males in adulthood. Though the term is generally used in relation to women, the fact is, anyone who grew up with a dysfunctional father, father figure, or other male caretaker can develop daddy issues.

“The term “daddy issues” is often a way to describe women’s attachment issues in a relationship. This usually comes from insecure attachment with a father or father figure(s) at a young age.” Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar, LMHC How ‘daddy issues’ evolved from the ‘Father Complex’ “Father Complex” was a clinical term originally used to refer to men who had distrusting, toxic relationships with their fathers.

As this complex was explored further, psychologists discovered it has relevance to both genders, not just males. Since then, society has colloquialized the term into “daddy issues.” “‘Daddy issues” is not a clinical term but has become part of popular culture to describe women who date older, unsuitable men as a result of dysfunctional relationships with their father.” Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar, LMHC Though the phrase daddy issues is now mostly used to refer almost exclusively to women, modern mental health professionals still use the term “Father Complex,” which still refers to all genders equally for clinical purposes.

How do you get your mom to forgive you?

Download Article Download Article You will inevitably hurt others on occasion, usually not intentionally. These transgressions can result in significant guilt and shame, especially when you’ve hurt people you care about, like your parents. Your guilt and shame and your parents’ anger and disappointment can seriously strain your relationship.

  1. 1 Listen more than you talk. Your parents will be able to forgive you more easily if they feel heard and understood. Shutting up and listening can stop arguments and reduce emotional intensity.
    • Staring blankly at your parents as they speak will likely upset them. You should nod and display appropriate expressions, so they know you are listening, and not tuning them out.
    • Ask questions to clarify and check your understanding. This will demonstrate that you are processing what they are telling you. For example, you could say something like, “I’m hearing you say that you’re angry that I stayed out past curfew without clearing it with you. Is that right?”
  2. 2 Communicate whole messages. When it is time for you to talk, use the whole message formula to avoid misunderstandings. Start your statement with an observation of facts. This is usually a description of a behavior. Then explain what you interpret that behavior to mean and how that makes you feel. You should finish with what you would like to happen to focus the discussion on resolution.
    • For example, “I ditched school to hang out with friends. I knew it was wrong, but I thought it would make me seem cool. I was afraid I would be teased and embarrassed if I didn’t go with everyone else. I would like some help coming up with good ways to resist peer pressure to better handle this kind of situation in the future.”


  3. 3 Be mindful of your tone. Your feelings about your parents or the situation may affect your communication. The same sentence said in different tones can mean wildly different things. Feelings of frustration may result in a sarcastic tone or shouting before you even realize it. Try to remain objective and focus on communicating your message rather than your emotion.
    • If your parents do comment about your tone, apologize and explain you’re experiencing frustration trying to communicate your message.
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  1. 1 Admit your wrongdoing. You may not believe your behavior was completely in the wrong, so instead of looking at the situation as a whole, focus on specific aspects. You may not have done everything wrong, but it isn’t likely you did everything right. Find areas of improvement and own them.
    • Do not argue fault or try to deny wrongdoing. Your parents may see this as immature and take even longer to forgive you.
  2. 2 Apologize to your parents and others you may have hurt. Showing remorse is important to help anyone forgive. When giving an apology, acknowledge the hurtful behavior, why it was wrong, and how it affected others. This will demonstrate you understand what you did wrong and validate your parents’ feelings.
    • Try structuring the apology stating the effects of your behavior first. This will show others you are most remorseful about hurting them. For example, “I’m sorry worried and disappointed you by sneaking out. My behavior was irresponsible and inconsiderate; I assure you it won’t happen again.”
    • Always be sincere when apologizing. Insincere apologies will probably be interpreted as sarcasm and make the situation worse.
    • If you struggle with personal apologies, try writing them in a letter.
  3. 3 Make amends wherever possible. Make a genuine effort to compensate the offended parties. Depending on what happened, this may not be possible, but a good faith attempt is usually enough to buy considerable goodwill with parents.
    • You might consider working off debt or providing physical labor to help restore damaged property.
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  1. 1 Identify ways to respond more appropriately in future situations. Parents may have a hard time forgiving because they are concerned you may make the same mistakes again. Demonstrating that you learned from your mistakes and developed ways of avoiding repeating them will help your parents to let go of the past.
    • If you are struggling to identify more appropriate responses, ask your parents to help you. They will appreciate that you are making the effort to improve, and it’s another opportunity to make them feel heard.
  2. 2 Get involved in activities that are incompatible with the behavior your parents are upset about. Show them you are responsible by studying to earn good grades or getting a job. Remind them how great you are by taking on a leadership role at school or in the community.
    • Consider volunteering to serve others in your community to make them proud. You can find lots of volunteer opportunities online.
  3. 3 Talk to your parents about your future goals. Help them forgive you by distracting them from your past behavior and focusing on future possibilities. Set goals for 6 months, 2 years, and 5 years from now, with action plans to achieve them.
    • Your 6-month goals should be reasonable. Set goals for improving grades, saving money, and/or improving your physical and mental health.
    • Your 2 and 5-year goals should be complex but attainable, a good example might be to graduate college.
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  • Remember your parents love you and always will, but they also have emotions.
  • Go beyond your parent’s expectations of you and make them feel as though you are taking action to make things right.


  • Aggression and violence are not acceptable, no matter how angry you may be.
  • Avoid arguing about fault, as it may make apologies and plans for change seem insincere.

Advertisement Article Summary X Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, but if you show remorse and try to make it better, your parents should be more inclined to forgive you. Apologize and explain why you did it so your parents understand your perspective.

For example, say something like, “I’m sorry for stealing money. I know it doesn’t justify it, but I just wanted it to go to the movies with my friends so I wouldn’t be left out.” Use a calm tone of voice, even if your parents get mad at you, so they don’t think you’re trying to argue. Let them say what they’ve got to say without interrupting so they can get it off their chest.

Then, ask if you can do some extra chores or something to make it up to them. Your parents might be annoyed now, but if they love you, they’ll forgive you at some point. For more advice from our co-author, including how to learn from your mistakes, read on.

How do you get your mum to like you?

12 Ways to Get Your Parents to Be Nicer to You

  1. Parents can learn from their kids’ behavior, too. Treat your parents the way you want them to treat you. If you make an effort to be kind, respectful, and helpful, they’ll probably really appreciate it—and they might try to return the favor!
    • If there’s something you appreciate about your parents, tell them. Say things like, “That was a really great dinner, Dad. Thanks for taking the time to cook for us.”
    • Little gestures like giving your parents a hug, doing a chore without being asked, or saying “I love you” are simple ways to show you care.
    • When you show appreciation or gratitude for something your parents do, they’ll want to keep doing it! Always speak up when they do something nice for you.
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  1. Acting out can feel satisfying, but it usually makes things worse. When your parents are being mean, you might want to scream, throw things, or even look for ways to get revenge. But doing these things won’t help. It’s likely to just make your parents mad and keep the cycle going. Instead, look for healthy ways to let out your angry feelings.
    • Sometimes it helps to get moving when you’re upset. Try going for a run or a bike ride until you calm down.
    • If you’re really mad, try punching your pillow, pounding on some Play-Doh, or squeezing a stress ball as hard as you can.
    • Writing down your feelings can also help you feel better. You could even write a letter to your parents letting out all the things you want to say to them, but don’t show it to them. Put it away somewhere or tear it up when you’re done.
  1. Having more positive moments can improve your relationship. Instead of avoiding or ignoring your parents, go out of your way to do fun things with them. When you’re together, chat with them about things that are important to you or that you find interesting. The more time you make for having fun together, the better you’ll get along.
    • For example, instead of playing a video game or turning on the TV when you’re done with school, say something like, “Hey Mom, do you want to go for a walk with me?” or “Would you guys like to play a board game?”
    • Try not to just talk to your parents about problems or negative things in your life. Let them know about something funny that happened in school, tell them about a cool book you’re reading, or ask them to tell you stories about when they were kids.
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  1. Your parents might not understand how their actions affect you. It can be tough to speak up about your feelings, especially if your parents are being harsh or unfair. But it’s the best way to let them know what’s going on in your head, and it might get their attention better than just acting on your feelings. So instead of yelling, storming out, or getting quiet, try to put your emotions into words. Let them know that you feel bad and you want their help to make things better.
    • For example, say something like, “Mom, when you yell at me like that, I feel scared and angry.”
  1. The word “you” can make people feel attacked. When you’re talking to your parents, put the focus on your feelings—not on what your parents are doing. This way, they won’t feel so much like you’re blaming or judging them, and they’re more likely to listen.
    • For example, instead of saying something like, “You’re so mean! You never let me do anything!” try something like, “I feel frustrated and upset when I ask to visit my friends and you say no. It means a lot to me to spend time with them.”
    • Also try to stay away from words like “always” or “never”—since it’s probably not true that your parents always or never do a certain thing! Stick to one specific thing that’s bothering you instead of exaggerating or making general complaints.
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  1. Talking when everyone’s stressed or upset can make things worse. If your parents are already upset or if you’re in the middle of an argument, your conversation might just turn into more fighting. They’re also less likely to listen to you if they’re really busy or worried about something else. Choose a time when you and your parents are all pretty chill and you know you’ll have time to talk.
    • For example, it’s probably better to talk in the evening after school and work instead of in the morning when everyone is rushing to get ready.
    • If you’re having trouble finding a good time, ask your parents when you can talk. Say something like, “Dad, there’s something important I want to talk to you about. Do you have a few minutes after dinner?”
  1. If you keep your cool, your parents might do the same. People are like mirrors when they argue—they tend to reflect back what the other person is doing. Even if you’re really upset, try to keep your tone calm and respectful. That way, your parents are more likely to listen and less likely to blow up at you.
    • If you feel your temper starting to rise, take a few slow, deep breaths. You can also try counting slowly backwards from 10 in your head.
    • You can also say something like, “I’m starting to feel really upset, and I don’t want to yell. I need to leave the room for a minute and calm down.”
    • Staying calm during an argument or a tough conversation is really hard, and it takes practice to get good at it! Don’t be mad at yourself if you struggle with this at first.
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  1. Show your parents that you care about their feelings, too. If you listen to them, they’ll feel more valued and respected, which might make them a little more ready to hear your side of things. As hard as it might be, give your parents a chance to talk and explain where they’re coming from—and do your best to really understand what they’re saying.
    • While your parent is talking, don’t interrupt them or try to contradict them. If you want, you can give them signals to let them know you’re listening, like nodding or saying “uh huh” or “okay.”
    • Try repeating what they said in your own words to let them know you understood. For example, if your dad says, “You’re always messing around on your phone during dinner. It’s so disrespectful!” say something like, “I hear you, Dad. You don’t like it when I spend so much time on the phone. I’ll try not to do that from now on.”
  1. Sometimes a good plan can help everyone feel better. If there’s something specific that you’re arguing about, sit down with your parents and talk about different ways to fix it. This way, you’ll all feel like you’re doing something productive instead of just fighting about the same things over and over.
    • You could say something like, “I know it bothers you when my room is messy, but I’m always really tired after school. Can you let me take a nap when I get home instead of asking me to pick up right away?”
    • Listen to your parents’ ideas, too. If they feel like you value what they have to say, they’re more likely to take you seriously.
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  1. Trying to keep talking when everyone’s upset won’t solve anything. If you feel like your conversation is about to turn into another big argument, it’s time to step away. Say something like, “I think I need to take a break and calm down. Let’s talk about this later.”
    • During your break, take time to think about what went wrong and how you can avoid it next time. Think about different strategies you can try when you talk to your parents again.
  1. Try not to blame yourself when your parents are being harsh. If your parents are being really mean or unfair, it’s easy to feel like you’re doing something wrong—or even like there’s something wrong with you. But everyone deserves to be treated with respect and kindness, even when they mess up. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can, and try to be nice to yourself even when your parents aren’t.
    • Take time to do things you enjoy, even if that means just spending a few minutes a day reading your favorite book, watching funny videos online, or chatting with a friend.
    • Don’t forget to do basic things to take care of yourself, like getting enough sleep, eating healthy snacks, and getting physical activity.
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  1. If your parents are often mean to you, you might need outside help. If your parents really don’t seem to care about your feelings, or if they keep doing hurtful things even when you calmly ask them to stop, let someone know. You could tell another relative (like an aunt or uncle, a grandparent, or a grown-up sibling), a teacher, a school counselor, or your doctor. Explain what’s been going on and ask for their advice. They might also be able to talk to your parents for you.
    • It’s never okay for your parents to hurt you physically, or even say they are going to. Hitting, pushing, grabbing, kicking, and threats are all forms of abuse. If this is happening, don’t try to talk to your parents about it. Tell someone right away.
    • If your parents often scream or yell at you, call you mean names, put you down, or ignore you when you’re hurt or upset, tell someone. These are also abusive behaviors, and they’re not okay.

Ask a Question Advertisement This article was co-authored by and by wikiHow staff writer,, Wits End Parenting is a parent-coaching practice based in Berkeley, California specializing in strong-willed, “spirited” children with impulsivity, emotional volatility, difficulty “listening,” defiance, and aggression.

  • Co-authors: 23
  • Updated: December 3, 2022
  • Views: 71,019


Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 71,019 times.

“Some of the stuff helped me, I just didn’t last very long. Other than that, amazing, I do it a lot now so they are nice to me.”,”

: 12 Ways to Get Your Parents to Be Nicer to You