Why You Always Lying?

Where did why you always lying come from?

This profile is part of NBC News’ series about former Vine stars, tied to the fifth anniversary of the platform’s death. Anybody who was on the internet during summer 2015 will likely have a picture of Nicholas Fraser’s face forever seared into their brain.

The iconic video still (and meme) was pulled from his 2015 classic “Why You Always Lying?” Vine, which was sung to the tune of R&B band Next’s 1997 single “Too Close.” The image shows Fraser, clad in an unbuttoned shirt, wearing a side-eye glance and a devilish grin toward the camera — an expression that somehow perfectly distills the look of someone who catches another person in a lie.

“What made that Vine so successful, and so timeless, is the realness and the simplicity behind its message: Everyone knows someone who lies, and everybody in their life has lied,” Fraser said. “You’re always going to be able to connect that song to somebody.” The inspiration for the song, Fraser explained, came while he was on his way to 7-Eleven to buy some donuts and gummy bears.

• It was Aug.28, 2015, and I heard Next’s song play on Pandora,” Fraser said.
• I paused it and immediately just sang, ‘Why you always lying?'” That afternoon, Fraser found the instrumental music, penned his lyrics and recorded his remix.
• It felt like God just gave me a shot of creativity, and I just started spilling it out,” he said.

Fraser said he got a “fresh cut” at the barbershop, scoured his closet for a ’90s R&B outfit and asked his brother to film a 15-second clip of him singing his new track in the driveway of his family’s home in Queens, New York. It felt like God just gave me a shot of creativity, and I just started spilling it out.

1. Nicholas fraser, Former Vine star A day after uploading the music video to his YouTube, Instagram and Twitter accounts, Fraser reposted a six-second snippet of his music video on Vine, where it went viral and spawned numerous remixes and parodies.
2. It was so crazy.
3. I remember I needed to get a new phone because my old one overheated from all the notifications,” he said.

“That’s when I knew it was real.” Fraser added: “It’s so mind-blowing to see people meme-ing my song and playing it everywhere, even today. That’s just amazing, for everyone, from around the world, to resonate with something you put so much work into.” The 27-year-old content creator said the newfound fame only encouraged him to pursue other creative outlets, like filming, cooking and producing music.

Indeed, creative — and busy — a man he is. In 2020, Fraser served as one of the executive producers for artist G Milano’s “4 Seasons.” After “several years of preparation,” in May he launched a YouTube food series called the ” BNFFTS (Benefits) Cooking Show,” which turns regular pantry items into classic dishes.

And in October, he sold his classic Vine meme as an NFT for what was then worth $96,000. No matter the success, Fraser said he was always “humbled” by the fans who continue to reach out to him about his classic Vine. “It’s truly a blessing,” he said. “It doesn’t matter how many times I go viral or how many people reach out to me.

It’s just a blessing.” When asked if he would ever create a TikTok account — frequently cited as the reincarnation of Vine — Fraser said he doesn’t intend to. However, he praised the social media app for bringing people from all walks of life together in a novel way. “It’s like Vine set the foundation, but TikTok is expanding it even more,” he added.

“It’s great to see people coming together and doing different challenges, and I love to see that togetherness in this crazy little world. It’s that togetherness, those little things, that matter to me most.” Wilson Wong Wilson Wong is a culture and trends reporter for NBC News Digital.

Why does lying trigger me?

Photo by Jack Hill/WPA Pool/Getty Images. It was Mark Twain who said: “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” Well, regardless of whether you’re lying or not, if you have a decent memory, living in Britain right now is bewildering.

Who can keep up with the mind-bending required to continually separate fact from fiction, right from wrong? Are we getting £350 million back from the European Union each week now that we’ve left to give to the NHS or what? No, that was actually, as the UK Statistics Authority has said, “a clear misuse of official statistics”.

Did Downing Street staff break the rules with parties while the rest of us did what we were told or not? Or, as the prime minister initially said, were they just “talking about work” over a cheeseboard? If no rules were broken at any of the now infamous government lockdown parties, why are the police investigating them ? Why did the prime minister have to apologise to the queen? If it’s an untrue, far-right conspiracy that Labour leader Keir Starmer “failed to prosecute sex offender Jimmy Savile” when he was the director of public prosecutions, why did the prime minister say it was true and refuse to take it back? Advertisement ADVERTISEMENT The average person lies at least once a day and there is, of course, a sliding scale of deceit.

Nonetheless, lies are corrosive. They alter our reality, reframing it through the agenda of the person who doesn’t want the truth to come out. Being lied to makes you feel insecure – your version of the truth is discredited. It also makes you feel unimportant – the person lying to you didn’t value you enough to tell the truth.

Dishonesty is the erosion of all that is solid. I have a very good friend who was once in a relationship with a man who was also engaged to someone else. She found out when her ex’s fiancée got in touch to tell her. Her reality unravelled and in the months and years that followed she truly believed that she might be mad.

She had lived a lie. The lie, of course, was not hers but, still, the ground shifted underneath her feet and it took her a long time to trust herself (let alone others) again. Linda Blair is a chartered clinical psychologist and an associate fellow of the British Psychological Society. “Lying is particularly destabilising because you have to reconstruct the past and rewrite your memories,” she explains.

“That’s really hard work for the person who has been lied to.” “You look back and you realise that you assumed a certain storyline when something was happening to you,” she continues. “You probably thought that the person who was cheating on you loved you and considered your needs.

Once the lie is uncovered, you look back and see the signs that you missed.” Advertisement ADVERTISEMENT We live in an age of misinformation so this is as true in politics as it is in our personal lives. “Whether we’re talking about lies within a community or in a relationship,” says Blair, “it’s scary to realise that somebody has not been prioritising your needs at least as much as their own, it is scary at the most basic level.

We feel it in our amygdala (the part of the brain which is associated with emotional processes). In an emotional sense, being lied to makes us feel threatened, unsafe and upset.” Politicians probably lie no more or less than the average person but when they do, it matters.

1. We – quite rightly – hold those in public office to a higher standard because everything they say and do sets the tone for our collective shared reality.
2. If the prime minister – the man responsible for steering us through the worst public health crisis in generations – can’t be trusted, who can? If our government isn’t transparent, why should anyone else be? If those in charge keep telling you that the sky isn’t blue, how can you be sure that it is? Surveys have found that people – even those who are traditional Conservative supporters – are angry with the government.

“Anger is an appropriate reaction to what we perceive as lies,” says Blair. “Anger is an emotion which covers up fear. When we are angry we are defensive because we feel that we have not been protected as we ought to have been.” Advertisement ADVERTISEMENT This was certainly true for my friend after her partner’s fiancée’s big reveal.

First came shock, then anger and, ultimately, sadness. She was angry that her feelings had been so casually disregarded. Whether it is personal or political, corruption degrades everything around it. Duplicity debases relationships and institutions alike. When trust in the government is broken, it’s understandable that we might feel anxious and angry all at once.

” Anger is an emotion which covers up fear. When we are angry we are defensive because we feel that we have not been protected as we ought to have been. Linda Blair ” At the beginning of the pandemic the government passed the Coronavirus Act, which allows it to introduce new regulations without parliamentary scrutiny.

• It was through these powers that new public structures were set up – including the test-and-trace system, which has now devoured an eye-watering £37 billion of public money.
• It is anger-inducing to think that this – an initiative which has been deemed by parliament’s independent spending watchdog to have failed – was ever allowed to happen.

That something so important could have been handed over to private companies without any public say. It is, to echo Blair, scary. Human beings are hard-wired to make connections. We need to trust those around us and, as studies have shown, a psychological sense of safety is vital for us to take important risks, voice our opinions, be creative and speak out when we feel something is wrong.

Put simply, without it, it’s very hard to get anything done at all. It is galling to think that anyone you have ever shared a bed with has actively misled you to further their own needs. And it is vexatious to think that back in those early COVID days, when we were all shocked, when people stood on their doorsteps and clapped for the NHS, when hundreds of people died a day, those who were supposed to be looking after us in Westminster were in fact partying.

Advertisement ADVERTISEMENT However, Blair says that we cannot dwell too long in anger in the face of lies. “You have to stay active in your emotions,” she says. “You cannot just accept lies and think, Oh, well, what’s the point? You have to do exactly what people are doing right now, which is to say, ‘No.

• This is not the way to live.
• You do not live lying.'” “If you do find out that someone has lied to you,” she concludes, “I recommend using what I call the ‘best friend test’.
• What would you tell your best friend if they had just found out that their partner had betrayed them? If they had lost a loved one during a lockdown and the leader of the country had potentially told them lies? What would you tell them to do about it?” When everything feels futile, hope can move us forwards.

“You can do simple things,” says Blair. “Write to your MP. Express your concern and anger. Refuse to accept the lies that you have been told. Hold onto your reality. Whatever it is, do not sit there and think you are worthless or not deserving of the truth.

Does lying change you?

What Happens to the Brain When We Lie By Sandy Schroeder Most of us will squirm a little, but may also lie a little, if someone asks us a difficult question such as how they look in a new outfit. No one really wants to honestly say the outfit is a disaster, or it makes the person look huge.

So, some glib comment like, “It’s just your color” comes to the rescue in what we might call a “white lie.” But what happens if we find ourselves telling a real lie about something? All sorts of circumstances may have happened to cause us to lie, but we are still stuck with the reality of it, and the guilty feelings.

Lying Changes the Brain Now, Scientific American is telling us what else happens when we lie. They say a new study has found lying gets easier for humans the more they lie, because lying changes the brain! Nature Neuroscience reported a study of the amygdala, the part of the brain dealing with emotional responses.

The researchers said the amygdala shows up less and less, as we lie more and more. Essentially, our guilt feelings tend to weaken and shrink. Also lies that helped the person telling the lie may draw even less response from the amygdala. Other researchers point out how much we dislike thinking of ourselves as liars.

I have seen people do this, inventing elaborate justifications explaining why lying was the only way to handle a difficult situation. In the long run, it would have been better to just avoid lying in the first place. Pitfalls of Lying The fact that there seems to be less emotional response with repeat lies reinforces the statement, “once a liar always a liar.” If you think about it, the people you know who lie often fit that pattern.

• In work situations, it often becomes quickly known who can be counted on to tell it as it is, and who will waffle or outright lie when push comes to shove.
• But the real issue of what lies do to relationships may be the reason we should all understand the process and make every effort to not lie.
• Essentially, lies can turn a relationship into quicksand very quickly.

If someone cannot believe you, why would they want to invest time and effort in building a relationship only to have it sabotaged by lying? So if you are tempted to lie, consider what you might be doing to relationships that you value. Or, if you realize someone is lying to you, you may want to question how much that relationship is really worth.

It’s also important to carry this over into our dealings with our kids, making the point early that lies never work. To learn more about your health and wellness, see your local chiropractor at The Joint Chiropractic.

: What Happens to the Brain When We Lie

Is it ever OK to lie?

When It’s Necessary to Lie – So what is a good reason to lie? Sometimes the stakes are high and lies are necessary to safeguard someone’s well-being. In these types of situations, lying for the sake of protecting yourself or loved ones is deemed acceptable:

1. Lying to an abuser to escape from or protect someone from domestic abuse.
2. Lying to an abuser to protect children from child abuse.
3. Lying to someone who is playing with weapons.
4. Lying to someone who seems intoxicated or on drugs.
5. Lying to someone who seems to be experiencing a mental health issue.

Is lying a normal behavior?

The truth about why kids lie, with Victoria Talwar, PhD Kim Mills: From Pinocchio, to The Boy Who Cried Wolf, many classic children’s tales tell the stories of children who lie and get their comeuppance for it. It’s no surprise that these morality tales are so popular.

1. Honesty is a universally valued trait, and most parents want to raise their children to be honest.
2. So, the first time that a parent catches a child in a lie, it may come as an unpleasant surprise, but psychological research has found that lying is a normal part of childhood.
3. In fact, it’s a developmental milestone.

It’s only possible once children have developed some self-control and the ability to understand another person’s mental state. So, why do kids lie, and how young does lying start? Do kids lie more than adults? How do children understand the morality of lying, and how does their understanding change as they get older? What kind of lies are normal for children? And when does lying become a problem? How do kids think about the gray areas of telling white lies, keeping secrets, and tattling? And how can parents encourage truth-telling and honesty in their children? Welcome to Speaking of Psychology, the flagship podcast of the American Psychological Association that examines the links between psychological science and everyday life.

I’m Kim Mills. Our guest today is Dr. Victoria Talwar, a professor in the department of educational and counseling psychology at McGill University, where she studies children’s truth-telling and lie-telling behavior. Her research examines the cognitive, social, and cultural factors that affect children’s lying, as well as how children understand the moral implications of lying and honesty.

She also studies issues related to children’s eyewitness testimony in court, and kids’ and teens’ social interactions in cyberspace, including cyberbullyingg. Her book, The Truth About Lying: Teaching Honesty to Children at Every Age and Stage, was published by APA in July.

Thank you for joining us today, Dr. Talwar. Victoria Talwar, PhD: Thank you for having me. Mills: Let’s start with an idea I just mentioned, which is that lying is a normal part of children’s development. At what age do kids start to lie, and what cognitive abilities do they need to have in place in order to lie well? Talwar: Yeah, it actually emerges along with other cognitive abilities that happen in the preschool years.

So that’s why we say it’s a normal part of development because it’s part of these abilities, these positive cognitive abilities that develop in children, which are abilities like they understand that other people have other thought bubbles, I say, coming from their minds.

So the idea is that we understand that somebody else has different ideas, different thoughts, different beliefs, knowledge, and desires that are different from ours. So if you imagine in their thought bubble, they’re thinking their thoughts of what they think about the world and what they know about the world.

But a young child doesn’t understand that. They don’t realize that what they know, someone else might not know, or vice versa. So they don’t really yet start to understand that until about the preschool years of about three, four, five, six, they’re starting to develop these abilities.

And certainly, by five, that most children understand it. Once you start to understand that, that other people have these mental thoughts, mental representations in their minds, these knowledge, beliefs that are different, that can be different, you can understand that someone else could have a false belief about what is true.

So if I go and put the juice in the fridge, and then later you move the juice and put it on the counter, I will still have a false belief that the juice is in the fridge, but a young child doesn’t have that yet knowledge. They’ll think that if they saw you move it, that I will have the knowledge that they have, which is the juice is on the counter.

They don’t have the idea that I could have a false belief in my mind. Once you start to understand that someone can have a false belief about reality, then you also can understand that you can start to manipulate that and potentially instill a false belief in others. And this ability to understand other people’s thought bubbles, as I call them, is a really important part of development because we want children to be able to start understanding that other people have different thoughts and knowledge, and to be able to do perspective taking, which is this is building towards these building blocks of perspective-taking.

This is a very important part in our social development, be able to interact with each other. So, this is a positive development and this cognitive development happens in the preschool years, but it also means that children also start to tell lies because they also understand that maybe if I lie about doing my homework, mom might believe it, and I’d get out of doing my homework.

So this is a product of this positive development that’s happening in children. Mills: Are there ages or stages in development when lying is more common among kids? Talwar: So, in the preschool years, you start to see it emerge. And I would say that you sometimes see it emerge a little earlier for children, especially children who have older siblings.

Researchers show that for children who have older siblings, parents might notice their children telling small fibs earlier. And that’s partly because, one, they may see it modeled by the older siblings, but also, two, this is part of negotiating the social relations with their siblings potentially.

And also, younger children with an older sibling have more advanced cognitive development happening because of all their social interactions. It advances their cognition. So you may see this ability a little earlier. But generally, it’s happening, you start to see some children two and a half, three, by four years of age, most children are telling occasional lies.

And so it emerges at this age, but it increases in frequency as they’re getting a little older. They are not necessarily the best at lying, so you’ll notice that. But as they go through the school-age years, they start to learn about when it’s appropriate and not appropriate to lie.

• But on the other hand, they’re getting better at lying.
• We see a decrease in some types of lies by adolescents.
• But on the other hand, we see an increase in lying where adolescents may be more likely to conceal information that they consider as personal information that they don’t necessarily want to disclose.

And as we go through adolescents, it seems to decline as we get into early adulthood. And certainly, as we go through the age range, as we look at, for instance, seniors, they tend to lie less than middle-aged adults. So there’s a downward arc as we go through.

1. Mills: At what point does the child actually understand that he or she is not telling the truth? Talwar: Young children—very, very young children.
2. Sometimes parents say, “well, my child lied to me,” and we’re talking about very young children, like a two-year-old.
3. And sometimes it’s not necessarily that the child understands that they lie.

What they’re giving is what we call wish fulfillment. So you might point off into the horizon, “hey, do you see the Ferris wheel over there?” And the child says, “yes,” but, of course, there’s no Ferris wheel in the horizon. And you say, “well, that child’s just lied to me.

• They didn’t see it.” But what the child is saying, “I want to see what you see.
• I want to see it.
• Where—yes, yes.
• Where is it?” And they’re looking because they’re used to adults asking them things and learning to comply with those questions.
• So sometimes they’re giving these, what people think are false sensors.

It’s really wish fulfillment. Yeah, I want to be able to see that Ferris wheel. Yes, yes, thing. But by the time we get to in that four-to-five range, for sure, by this age, they start to understand that the intentionality behind lying. And so definitely, they’re telling intentional lies around that age range.

Mills: So when do kids start to understand and tell what we call pro-social lies, the lies that most of us will tell sometimes that are designed to avoid hurting someone’s feelings? Such as you say to a gift giver, “gee, I really love those socks,” when you actually would’ve preferred something else, or just blurting out, “boy, Aunt Margie, you sure look fat.” I mean, when the kids realize that you shouldn’t be saying those things and that they are more or less acceptable lies.

Talwar: So we did a study. Our first study, we did exactly what you said. We gave them an undesirable gift. And that one, it was a bar of soap, Lysol soap. There was a bucket of different gifts they could get. And there were lots of neat toys, but they got the Lysol soap.

And then, the gift giver asked them how they liked it after they unwrapped it. And what we found was, and this was children between three and 11 years of age, and we found that even some of the three-year-olds would say, “yeah, I like it. Yeah.” The gift giver would say, “hey, do you like the gift I gave you?” “Yes.” But we did find that the younger children couldn’t really tell you why they liked it, whereas the older children could.

But then we did a follow-up study. So that study we did, we did that in Canada. And a follow-up study we did with children in mainland China. But this time we explored what their explanation was. And we did it with younger children, so seven, nine- and 11-year-olds.

And what we found was, when later on someone asked them, “well, why did you tell that person you like the gift?” And what we found was younger children will tell that lie for—they’re not so much telling it for pro-social reasons when they lie in that situation, it’s more like they fear that the person will get upset with them.

So there’s more related to their own self that they’re thinking self-preservation in a way. Now, those children were much more likely, younger children are much more likely to be blunt truth tellers. A lot of people have funny stories about their child telling the blunt truth in an inappropriate moment.

Those children are much more likely to tell blunt truth. And those children that do tell these lies in this situation, they’re much more likely to be doing it for self-preservation. They’re worried that the person’s going to be upset with them if they say that they don’t like it. But as you get older, going up to 11 years of age, you have a significant increase in children who are telling these lies, these politeness lies.

And when you ask them why they’re doing it, you get a significant increase in those children giving other oriented answers. And when I say that, I mean they’re saying things like, “She’ll feel really bad if I say that. She was so happy to give me the gift.

• I don’t want to hurt her feelings.” So through those school years, they’re definitely learning the social norms and social conventions of politeness.
• And they may start telling lies in order to preserve another person’s feelings or to protect them from feeling bad.
• And we did another study, a follow-up study in Canada, where we had children—so in this case, they got just your example, they got a pair of knitted, woolen, brown socks.

And again, they could’ve got lots of things. And my graduate student, Mina Popligar, at the time, did the study and she would give them to them, and she’d say, “oh, I hope you really like this. I made them myself.” And they would open it up and they’d find woolen socks, so they say, “oh, okay.” And in one case it was a low-stakes lie.

So, they had previously gotten another toy, gift toy, and they could keep both of them. But in another condition, it was a high-stakes lie, a more altruistic lie because they could only keep one of the gifts. So if they said they didn’t like them, then they could give back the socks and keep the other fun toy, but then they might be hurting her feelings.

So for them to say that they like it was altruistic in that there was a potential cost to them for saying that, but this would benefit by not hurting Mina’s feelings. And what we found was, again, we did this with preschool, all the way into 11-year-olds, and we found that with age children, much more likely in the high-cost situation where they had to give back the fun toy and had to keep the woolen and socks, they were much more likely to say, “oh, yes, I like them.

• Thank you very much.
• It’s very nice of you to give me woolen socks.” So as children get older, they’re much more likely to tell lies for the benefit of someone else at even a potential cost to themselves.
• Mills: You also study how kids think about the morality of lying and whether particular kinds of lies are right or wrong.

How does that moral understanding develop and change as children age? Talwar: So very young children often lump lying as something that is not true, not correct. But as a result, they can sometimes over generalize this to, they base it on factuality. So for instance, if you say something by mistake, they’ll call that a lie.

For instance, if I believe that the outdoor pool this summer is open from 11 a.m. onwards, and I tell the children, “okay, we can go at 11 o’clock,” and it turns out it’s not open till 1 p.m., they’ll say, “oh, well, you told a lie,” but I was just a mistaken belief. In my thought bubble, I had what I believed was a true belief that it was open at 11 a.m., but that was not the actual reality.

The reality is at 1 p.m. So what’s different here is that I did not intend to lie. I made a genuine mistake. I made an incorrect statement based on what I believed to be the true state of reality. Young children don’t understand this. So they will often call this a lie.

• And as they go through school age, six to 11, they start to understand the intentionality behind lies that the person’s actually intending to deceive you.
• They’re intending to make a false statement, to make someone else believe something that that’s not true.
• So they start to understand that as they get older.

For instance, if I decide to trick you, and do a mean trick, and tell you that the swimming pool is open at 11 a.m., but I know that it’s open at 1 p.m., and so you go along at 11 a.m. and discover, to your disappointment, that you can’t get in, that is a lie where I know that when the pool is open, but I’ve still made a false statement, intending you to believe it.

1. And therefore, I’ve intended to deceive you.
2. Mills: What about navigating the line between lying and cheating? What’s the best way to get children to understand that cheating is in effect a form of lying? And does it matter if they even understand that? Talwar: We talk about lying.
3. So lying is, usually, a verbal statement made with the intention to deceive.

It’s under the umbrella of dishonesty. Now, we can have a range of dishonest acts, including cheating. Often, cheating and lying come together because if you cheat on a test and then someone asks you, “how did you know that?” You lie about it. Or you were asked,did you cheat or something? You lie about it.

• So it’s also about the wider discussion about the importance of honesty and not engaging in dishonest acts.
• Mills: You mentioned a little while ago, you’ve done studies in Canada and China.
• Do you find that children in different countries and cultures think differently about the morality of lying? Talwar: One thing that is universal is that people think honesty is really important.

It’s a highly valued behavior, and we look forward in the character of others. We rate it very positively. Honesty is really important. What changes from culture to culture is the situations where it may be acceptable to not always be honest, for instance.

• And we have culturally sanctioned situations where we tell what we perceive as not necessarily being lies.
• For instance, in North America, it’s very common to tell children about Santa Claus.
• Yet few parents think about it as potentially lying because it’s a culturally sanctioned story that we tell children, and we don’t even see it often in the realm of deception.

So we have these areas where we may be less negative about lying. To give you another example—well, actually, this is a study by Kong Lee. He did a study in China and in Canada, where they gave vignettes, and the children had to evaluate whether they thought what the character said was good or bad.

1. And in some of the vignettes, the story character would clean up the room while the teacher was out of the room.
2. And the teacher would come back in the room and ask them who did it.
3. And in some of the stories the child said they did it, truthfully.
4. And some of the stories the child would lie and not say that they did it.

In Canada, children always rated the truth-telling positively and the lying negatively, whether it was about doing something bad transgressive or doing this positive thing, cleaning up a room, for instance. But in China, with age, children were increasingly more likely to rate the truth-telling about cleaning up the room less positively.

1. And they were more likely to rate the lying more positively with age.
2. So they were more likely to say it was okay to lie in this situation as they got older, and that’s because, within that culture, the principle of modesty is very important.
3. And so it becomes more acceptable to lie in that situation because it’s seen as being more self-effacing and more modest.

So we have social situations where we may consider lying a less negative thing. So just like the example we gave a moment ago with getting a gift, often, children, for instance, in North America, are socialized by parents to say, “oh, thank you very much,” and to say they like the gift because it’s considered rude to tell a person, “ah, I don’t like this, or why did you get me this? I wanted something else.” So there are situations that, culturally, may vary from place to place in terms of how we condone or we excuse certain lies.

Mills: Here’s a question that’s at the crux of your new book. How can parents encourage truth-telling in their children? What works and what doesn’t work if you want to raise your children to be honest? Talwar: First of all, if this is really important to you, that you want your child to be honest, and you want them to tell you the truth, then you need to actively teach children about it.

Just thinking that they’ll pick it up by osmosis is not the way to go. We actively teach children about a lot of behaviors. We actively teach them their numbers. We actively teach them how to read. If you want them to engage in pro-social behaviors, like honesty, you can also teach those.

1. And in fact, that’s the most effective thing to do, is to really stress those, talk about them, emphasize them, and teach children them.
2. So that means, what does that mean then? How do you teach them? Well, it means, from an early age, doing things that emphasize that and gives the message about why you value this behavior.

That means you can read stories. You can read stories at a very young age with children. Children particularly love stories, and they can be really good mechanisms to give them that message, and also to make it understandable to them. It also can be a catalyst for you to have conversations with them about these different principles, and about how the story characters behaved, and why they behave like that.

And that’s something you can do throughout as they get older too. Younger age, you’re going to have picture books. As you get older, even an older age child, older elementary, or middle school child, you may still be engaging in reading with them for entertainment. Even though they can read themselves, you can talk about things.

Or just be interested in the books they’re doing. You can talk about student characters, and when they show behaviors like honesty, you can talk about them, or when they’re dishonest and talk about those situations. And of course, as they get older, the situations where they see lying and truth-telling become more nuanced, then you can have an ongoing conversation about that.

• So having an ongoing conversation.
• Also, make sure that if honesty is something you value, then you want to recognize it in your children.
• If they’re honest, we often forget to recognize it because there’s sometimes being honest about a transgression, So we jump right to the transgression, what? You did what? But we want to say—should take a moment to at least give them recognition that they’ve done the brave thing and told you the truth about it.

So say, “I’m not happy that broke my phone, but I’m glad, I’m happy that you at least told me the truth about it.” And then you can have a conversation about why they broke the phone or whatever, but giving them some recognition when they’re honest is important because it’s not only important to say have conversations about the importance of honesty, but then, if you never recognize it, when they do it’s like, “well, it doesn’t actually matter at all when I’m honest.

I don’t get any positive feedback on it.” And we often just give negative feedback when they’re lying, but we also have to give the positive feedback. And also, finally, a really important piece of this is modeling the behavior. If you say honesty is really important, but then you are being dishonest in front of your child, your child’s going to observe that.

So if you are lying, they hear you lying on the phone and they know it’s an obvious lie, or you lying to get into the movies for cheaper price because you lie about their age or whatever, those are little things they pick up on and they’re just communicating to them, “yeah, honesty’s really the best policy.

• Honesty’s important, but we can fudge it too.” And so you have to model that behavior as well.
• If it’s really important to you, you should also be showing them how to be honest.
• Mills: What about punishing kids for lying? Does that work in the sense that it will make them stop lying going forward? Talwar: We often do punish lying.

It’s not that you shouldn’t necessarily let them just lie without any consequence, but part of that is, also, the flip side of it is recognizing the truth-telling when they have it. So if you’re only punishing lie-telling, and you’re never giving any recognition for truth-telling, then you may not be actually communicating the value of truth-telling or showing them what the desired behavior is.

And also, really authoritarian punishment for lying, it may stop them lying in that moment, but it doesn’t necessarily distinguish the behavior. Because, for instance, we did a study where we found children who had really strict punitive corporal punishment in a schools setting compared to children who didn’t.

They learned to lie earlier and they learned to lie better. And part of that is, well, if you are going to get into a lot—these children would get into a lot of trouble for all sorts of transgressions not just lying. But if you’re getting into potentially having some really harsh punishments for whatever you do, lying can actually be a way to mitigate those negative consequences to you.

But then, if you’re going to try that strategy, you might as well go for broke and really learn to do it well for it to be effective. So it might backfire on you. So it’s not that you should not just ignore lying completely all the time and never have consequences for it, but you have to think about it within a wider framework of reinforcing honesty and demonstrating what the desired behavior is, and also having conversations outside the situations where they’re lying when there’s other times when you’re not in an emotional state.

Also having conversations about why honesty’s important, and why you should tell the truth, and what does truth-telling look like in different types of situations. Mills: There’s a section of your book called gray areas, where you talk about two special types of situations involving honesty and truth-telling, and that’s secrets and tattles.

How do you suggest parents talk with their kids about when it’s okay to keep a secret or tell it, and when it’s really necessary to tattle on somebody? Talwar: So I call these gray areas because they’re really the difficult areas, I think, that a lot of parents like myself have struggled with because not all secrets are bad secrets.

Having a surprise birthday party for your husband or a friend is not a bad secret. So there are secrets that are fine. And also children have little secrets about they have their secret hideout that they make and things like that. So often they can be very innocent, or even positive little things that are helped for short periods of time.

But on the other hand, there are harmful secrets. So it’s about teaching children about the difference between what secrets that are not harmful and harmful. And to understand that, as a general rule, with very young children, the preschool children, early elementary, kindergarten, in that age, they’re not necessarily going to understand that distinction.

So it’s better, in that case, to maybe just be careful not to use a lot of secret keeping then, at that age. And just to be a little bit understanding that they’re still trying to understand those distinctions. Also, if they’re keeping little child play secrets, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, don’t be harsh on them.

They’re still understanding that. But what you do want to have is a conversation about that there are harmful secrets that we shouldn’t keep. As they get older, you can have more and more discussion with that. For instance, no one’s supposed to touch their private parts, for instance. Even if that someone told them, “don’t tell anyone,” that is something that they should always tell you, that the only person who’s allowed to touch their private parts is their parents when they’re washing them or whatever, or the doctor examining them.

But if anyone tells them, “don’t tell,” they should always tell their parent. But on the other hand, a secret that is kept for a short amount of time, like for a surprise party, where there’s no harm attached to it, these are harmless secrets that are all okay to keep, but this shouldn’t be kept forever.

1. So teaching them with that.
2. And that has an ongoing conversation as children develop.
3. And they start to also understand the difference between what is something that is bad to keep secret and what is something that’s okay.
4. Mills: But maybe it’s not a good idea to tell your three-year-old about the surprise party.

Talwar: Yes because they’re more likely to be blunt truth tellers, so they’re likely to blur it out. “You know what mommy has hidden in her closet? She’s got your present. And you know what it is?” Mills: We’ve talked a lot about how lying is a normal part of development, but sometimes it develops into a problem.

So what’s the difference between normal and problematic lying in children, and how can parents be really attuned and react appropriately? I mean, not overreact. Some kids will lie, and that’s okay. But how do you know when you’ve really got a problem? Talwar: I have to say that most cases, there’s not a problem.

The first time you observe your child lying, you’re not happy about it. But on the other hand, don’t freak out about it. Like I said, at the start, it’s a normal thing that they start to understand that they can do and they start to learn. And over time, you’re talking to them about honesty, and they get socialized that they understand that this is not something that they should do frequently.

• And to also understand that, as a behavior, the majority of adults tell occasional lies.
• So by and large, most adults are honest most of the time, but the research with adults show that the adults tell the occasional lie here and there.
• So also keep that in mind.
• To be more understanding with your child and also not to freak out that the first time you see a lie, it doesn’t mean your child is going to have a problem.

Also, you’re going to see your child go through periods of time where they’re trying that behavior, they’ve learned that they can do it, and you have to just keep on teaching them, and reinforcing the importance of honesty with them, and be patient. And by and large, most of them will start to be less likely to lie, and only lie occasionally maybe in a situation where they’re trying to be polite in situations like that.

For a fairly small percentage of children, it may become a problem behavior. And this may be related, it could be a number of reasons. It could be because it’s related to some other problem behaviors, such as children who have conduct disorder or oppositional defined disorder, they are more likely to lie.

In fact, this is one of the symptoms of it, of these disorders, but very small percentage. And then you’re going to see it in a constellation of other behaviors, like being aggressive, or engaging in more antisocial behavior, being defiant of authority, etc.

So if you’re seeing a range of these behaviors, including lying, you may wish to seek help just to find out if your child—and this should be over a period of time. It shouldn’t be just one day or one week, but we’re talking about, over a period of time, you’re seeing this pattern developing, then you should seek help.

The other time that you should seek help is when you are having trouble coping with your child’s behavior. Your child’s lying behavior, you’re having difficulty coping with it, and it’s out of state where you are not able to deal with it. Then, also seek help because, whether it’s a problematic, or it’s just a phase they’re going through, or whatever, that’s a good time to get some help, for you to how to deal with it and also help with the child if there is anything else because, really important, as children develop, if you really want to maintain honesty and open, honest communication between you and your child, as they go from preschool through elementary school, into high school, and up into their adult life, you want to have a relationship with them that is based on open and honest communication.

1. And to do that, it’s really important the bond between you and your child’s maintained.
2. And there’s this bond of trust that’s maintained.
3. And if that bond is being compromised and you’re having difficulty coping with that, it’s important to seek help to help you with that because, as a parent, you’re a really important part of that child’s life.

You’re the first educator of the child. The parent is their very first educator, from when they’re small, and you play a significant role in their life. Even in the teenage years, when they are engaged with the wider world, you still can play a significant role when you have a strong relationship and bond with that child.

• So you really, if there’s anything that’s compromising that, or you just feel you can’t cope, just reach out and ask for some help.
• Mills: In addition to studying lying and honesty, you also research children’s online interactions, including cyberbullying.
• Is there a connection between that work and your work online in truth-telling? Talwar: Yeah.

Part of the reason, way back when when we were early days, early days of smartphones and everything, somebody asked me about children posting false rumors and lies on the internet about other children, which is one way of cyberbullying. There’s other ways to do it too.

1. And so that started me on that road.
2. And since then, we’ve continued and looked at wider aspects of children’s online engagement in the digital world, but there is a connection here in that, even more so, it was even more so just before the pandemic, and now it’s just normal everyday part of our lives.

The digital world is really part of it. Youth engage constantly with the online world, through their smartphones, through the computers, many, many different ways. And it’s with them at all times. And there are many positive aspects of that. There are many ways we can harness digital technology to help them with their education, to help with mental health too.

• We can deliver interventions, telehealth, all sorts of positive ways.
• But the downside of it is you could have negative interactions online too.
• And before, if your child was being bullied at school, they could come home, they could shut the door, and they could be safe in the cocoon of your home.
• But now, with that smartphone, it can follow them right up into their bedroom and be with them all night long.

You can’t escape it. So it is of concern to parents, and to children and youth. And that’s also something that parents have to engage in. This is part of our reality and part of youth regular life. So talking about what’s happening online and having conversations about what to do if they see something inappropriate, or if they’re the target, is important, even prior to such events.

But when we talk to youth about why they don’t tell their parents why they, if they’re being bullied online, a lot of times they say that they conceal that information because they’re afraid that parents will take their devices away from them. And often, the reason the parent takes a device, is not because the parent trying to punish the child, although it feels like punishment to the child, they’re just very worried about the child, and they’re trying to keep the child safe, and they see this device as, “okay, you better not have the phone.” So we had a 12-year-old, had the phone, the parent had given the phone because the child was going to and from school, and they thought for safety reasons.

And then the child was being bullied, and the parent took the phone away, but that felt like a punishment to that 12-year-old. And so they felt, not only were they bullied, but now they’ve lost this phone that they so prized. So we have to think about how we are communicating about cyberbullying and online engagement.

• And also, when we discover that children are doing it, we need to be careful not to punish them inadvertently because this is the thing that is that fear of those repercussions that we hear from youth why they often lie or don’t tell about what’s happening online.
• Mills: So what are you working on now? What are the next big questions you want to answer? Talwar: So the biggest questions are, we know a lot about how it emerges in line.

So we know about preschool children and early elementary, that it really is related to their social cognition, what I was saying before, their understanding of other people’s minds, their other thought bubbles, understanding their cognition, but what we are interested in is how it then develops over time.

• For most people, lying is an infrequent, occasional behavior.
• And a lot of people are honest.
• But for some children and some adults, lying does become a problematic behavior.
• So we’re interested in looking at that trajectory over time of what is it that predicts, why most people learn not to lie, how that may materialize into different profiles, where you have people who are very honest, you have people who are honest some of the time, but dishonest also some of the time.

And then you have some people who are being dishonest. And those may be for different reasons. Some may be doing it because it’s social currency. They want people to think well of them. And so they’re pathologically lying to make people think that they’re great.

1. And so they’re often telling lies to make themselves appear better.
2. Or there may be people who are lying for very manipulative reasons.
3. And so looking at how that develops over time, and how the social factors lead to different profiles of being honest or dishonest.
4. And then, what are the most effective ways to intervene to prevent any maladaptive development in children? Mills: Well, Dr.

Talwar, this has been really interesting. I know you’ve given a lot of good information to parents and caregivers out there. So I want to thank you for joining me today. Talwar: Thank you. Mills: You can find previous episodes of Speaking of Psychology on our website at or on Apple, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Why do I struggle to be honest?

We’re afraid of what others will think of us if we’re completely honest. We don’t want to sound stupid, so we pretend to understand things we don’t. (One of the hardest truths for me to utter is, ‘I don’t know.’) We don’t want to look weak, so we mask our feelings. We swallow our anger.

How do I train myself to be honest?

“When compassion awakens in your heart, you’re able to be more honest with yourself.” – Mingyur Rinpoche Do you lie to yourself? Maybe just a little? Maybe a lot? Whatever the answer, you’re not alone. Most people tell lies, rationalize at times, trying to reassure themselves with a self-talk that’s more wishful thinking or revisionist in nature than actual truth.

Sometimes, that’s not all bad. If you need to embroider what happened with a brighter colored thread to get past it, maybe that’s healthy. For the most part, however, learning to be honest with yourself is the more proactive approach. How do you get there? Does it take a long time to be comfortable with honesty ? What steps can you take today? Here are some thoughts.

Try to see things from the other person’s point of view. What might look black and white on the surface to you is probably quite different from the way the other person looks at the same set of facts or circumstances. After all, how we view a situation is always colored by our prior experiences, our upbringing, values and other factors.

Therefore, each of us has a world view that is somewhat unique. You may see as failure not being able to accomplish an objective, while I may regard it as a learning experience and be less put off by it or feel the need to justify it with lies. By putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, so to speak, you may help increase your sense of understanding and compassion,

In so doing, you’ll increase the likelihood that you’ll be a bit more honest with yourself. It’s certainly worth a try. Accent the positive. Find one good thing you did today and be grateful for the chance you had to make a difference. It doesn’t need to be a life-changing act to qualify.

• Just highlight some positive effort you made today and this will help frame your outlook to do more of the same.
• For example, if you went out of your way to brighten the day of a co-worker who’s experiencing family difficulties, that’s a positive act on your part, one that you did with no requirement for reciprocity.

You can and should feel good about what you did. In fact, the more good that you can do, the more honest you’ll tend to be about yourself and your capabilities. After all, this is a habit that pays handsome dividends in the long run. Forgive yourself. One of the reasons people lie to themselves and others is to escape the consequences of wrongdoing — or failing to live up to their responsibilities.

To be able to move forward from past misdeeds or lack of appropriate action, however, you must first forgive yourself. It may feel strange to do so, yet self-forgiveness has a powerful aftereffect. Once you take ownership of what you did in an honest and forthright way (to yourself), and forgive yourself, you’re ready to move forward in life.

This will help make self-honesty a little easier to incorporate into daily living. If you feel that you want to help others, that’s compassion awakening in your heart. Instead of always thinking of excuses or trying to gain an edge, if you begin to feel like you want to do something to help another, that’s often a good sign that you’re beginning to feel compassion.

And that’s a very positive development. Make it a point to nurture compassion, rather than trying to squelch it as uncomfortable or requiring you to actually make good on the feeling. Honestly, who doesn’t need compassion? It helps both the person who feels it and the recipient of the powerful emotion.

Remind yourself that honesty is important. Research studies at UCLA and MIT have found that a simple reminder to be honest works most of the time, with or without religious context. If you want to train yourself to be honest, you can do so with self-reminders.

What keeps a person honest?

5. They take responsibility – Honest people take responsibility for their actions and their mistakes. They don’t make excuses or blame others for their shortcomings. Even when they know they will face the consequences, an honest person will own up to what they may have done wrong and be accountable enough to make up for it.

Do liars ever stop lying?

Reading Time: 8 minutes Most of us lie once in a while. We’ve all told a white lie to protect someone’s feelings, or stretched the truth a little to avoid a conflict or get out of something we don’t want to do. Lying isn’t ideal in any situation. But when it becomes a habit, and other pathological liar signs are also present, a mental health issue may be causing the behavior.

What happens if you lie too much?

Why Do I Lie So Much? Signs of Lying and How to Stop

1. 1 Lying is a part of human nature. There are many reasons that humans lie and a big one is because it’s in our evolutionary nature to do so. For years, humans had to deceive their competition in order to survive and preserve themselves in the wild. Research shows that this has caused the human brain to be genetically wired to lie over time.
   • The average human lies at least 1.65 times a day.
2. 2 People lie to avoid embarrassment. When faced with an embarrassing or awkward situation, lying is one way that people choose to cope. For example, telling someone you’re busy when you don’t want to see them can be a way to preserve your self-image and avoid judgment and an awkward conversation.
3. 3 Everyone loves to boost their ego. Sometimes, people exaggerate in order to receive praise. This can look like lying about yourself to impress a date or exaggerating about your accomplishments to wow friends and family.
4. 4 People lie to protect themselves or someone else. Self-preservation is a key reason why humans have been lying for ages. Humans can lie to protect themselves or others when there are negative consequences at stake. This can look like a child lying to their parents about where they were in order to avoid punishment or someone denying cheating in order to preserve their relationship.
   • If the act of lying can lead to more benefits than negative consequences, then the act is justified in the liar’s mind.

1. 1 You can’t stop doing it. When people lie a lot, they have a hard time breaking the habit. The next time you tell a lie, stop and ask yourself why you feel the need to lie and the purpose that it serves. While lying every now and then is normal, a pathological or compulsive liar creates a heap of lies and a narrative that they can control.
   • You might be a compulsive liar if you’re addicted to lying. Compulsive liars are unable to stop or break their bad habit. If your lies are inconsistent and don’t make any sense, then you may be a compulsive liar.
   • You might be a pathological liar if you’re lying to boost your ego. Pathological liars use lies to increase their self-esteem or avoid blame. If your lies are serving some personal agenda, then you may fit the criteria of a pathological liar.
2. 2 Your lying is hurting your relationships. Lies come with a heavy price. They can cause mistrust and a loss of respect, which damages your relationship with loved ones. If you find your relationship suffering due to the lies you’ve told, it’s a sign that you’re lying too much.
   • Lying also damages your relationship with yourself. Liars deal with a lot of guilt and shame as a result of their behavior.
3. 3 You’ve started to believe your lies. When you’re a habitual liar, It doesn’t take long to start believing your own version of events. If you find yourself starting to forget the true story, you may be lying too much.

1. 1 Admit you have a problem. Recovery is a long and hard road. It requires us to face the demons of our past and own up to our mistakes. While this process is difficult, admitting that you have a lying problem is the first step in breaking your bad habit.
   • Find someone you trust and disclose your lying habit to them. No matter how big or small you think your problem is, sharing them with a loved one can help you stay accountable.
   • Don’t justify your dishonesty. Instead of making excuses for your past behavior, try to own up to your mistakes. This will help you recognize the severity of your problem and then work towards making a lasting change.
2. 2 Apologize to the people your lies have hurt. You may feel nervous or even embarrassed to approach the people you’ve lied to. While it can be really hard to take responsibility, it is also necessary in order to mend your relationships and gain back people’s trust. You can do this by:
   • Trying to apologize face-to-face. While it can be uncomfortable to approach someone you’ve hurt in person, verbal apologies allow you to be more personal. If your circumstances don’t allow for a verbal apology, then try to take time to craft an apology in a letter, email, or even text that shows you accept responsibility and express remorse.
   • Being sincere in your apology. Make sure to acknowledge that you were wrong and express your regret. Then, let the other person know that you’re learning from your mistakes and ask what you can do to repair the relationship.
   • Accepting other people’s reactions. Lies can be extremely damaging to relationships. This is why hearing the truth could cause someone to have a negative comment or reaction that you don’t like. Even if this is the case, try to remain calm and remind yourself that recovery takes time and that you’re doing the right thing by coming clean.
3. 3 Spot your lying triggers. The next time you find yourself telling a lie, pay attention to your surroundings. This can help you understand what situations may have triggered your lies. Ask yourself:
   • Who are the people compelling you to lie?
   • Where are you?
   • What are you trying to avoid?
4. 4 Keep a written record of the lies you’ve told. You can increase your awareness by keeping a journal or diary to write down the lies you tell on a daily basis. This will help you hold yourself accountable and physically monitor when you might be lying.
   • Be thorough in your written accounts. Instead of just jotting down each lie, try to write down what may have caused you to lie, how the lie made you feel, and how you could avoid the situation in the future.
5. 5 Slowly reduce the number of lies you tell. Research shows that dishonesty grows with repetition. In order to break the cycle, try to practice actively telling the truth. You can start small like talking about the weather or any other neutral subject where you don’t feel compelled to lie.
   • If you are faced with a trigger and find it too difficult to say the truth, try staying quiet or changing the subject to something you feel more comfortable talking about. This will allow you to disengage from the situation so you won’t lie.
   • Be patient when trying to reduce your lies. If you’ve become a habitual liar, change takes time. Reassure yourself that you can do it!
6. 6 Seek out help from a therapist or professional. If you lie compulsively, a qualified mental health professional can give you the right treatment to help you modify your behavior. You can use online counseling platforms like to help you find a suitable therapist.
   • Pathological lying can be a symptom of unresolved trauma or an underlying mental illness.

Ask a Question Co-authored by: Licensed Clinical Psychologist This article was co-authored by Ashley Smith, PhD and by wikiHow staff writer, Donna Sarkar. Dr. Ashley Smith is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Co-Founder of Peak Mind: The Center for Psychological Strength.

With over a decade of experience, she specializes in treating anxiety and obsessive-compulsive spectrum disorders using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Dr. Smith has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post and Thrive Global. She has also been published in multiple peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Anxiety Disorders and The Behavior Therapist.

Dr. Smith holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Central Arkansas and both an MA and PhD in Clinical Psychology from The University of Nebraska, Lincoln. This article has been viewed 3,637 times.

• Co-authors: 2
• Updated: January 3, 2023
• Views: 3,637

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 3,637 times. : Why Do I Lie So Much? Signs of Lying and How to Stop

What are 3 effects of lying?

The Consequences of Dishonesty Lying has its benefits. It allows people to feel better about themselves, to make themselves look better in others’ eyes, and to maintain good relationships. At the same time, lying can also create problems. Lying can be cognitively depleting, it can increase the risk that people will be punished, it can threaten people’s self-worth by preventing them from seeing themselves as “good” people, and it can generally erode trust in society.

Is lying being rude?

No matter how common it is to lie, it is still considered impolite and bad behavior. Being lied to can be frustrating and it often breaks the bond of trust between two people, causing problems in the relationship.

Is it okay to lie in love?

Lies Can Ruin a Good Thing – Telling a little fib here and there doesn’t make you a terrible person, but there’s a pretty broad spectrum when it comes lying. People lie in relationships to save face, avoid conflict, protect their egos, protect their image, and just to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings, Durvasula says.

• A good way to tell whether your lie is small potatoes or harmful is to try to figure out if the lie is trying to protect your partner’s feelings or if you’re just looking out for yourself, Cilona says.
• Lying for self gain or personal agenda, to manipulate or hide information, and lies that are hurtful or betray a trust are the lies that do damage,” he says.

On the flip side, Cilona says “healthy lies often involve holding back or tempering a truth to protect someone’s feelings or help someone—the focus is on the issues of kindness, manners, tact, respect, and consideration.” A good example: Pretending you didn’t notice that massive that popped up on your partner’s face until they straight-up asked you about it.

But, of course, making a habit of lying isn’t good for your relationship, period. “It can destroy it,” Durvasula says. And, she adds, “even small ticket lies repeated day after day can harm a relationship.” Basically, if you keep telling your partner lies, whether you think they’re harmless or not, they can stop trusting you.

“The more lies, the more you crack the foundation and the basis of a relationship,” Durvasula says. “It means that partners share less, are less intimate, and have less empathy and compassion.” This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

All of that said, you don’t have to tell your partner everything, all of the time. “You may not want to talk about an embarrassing moment you once had,” Durvasula says, and that’s totally fine. Ditto for other things you may prefer to keep private, like how often you like to when your partner isn’t around.

You don’t owe them that info, and keeping it to yourself or not wanting to talk about isn’t the same as lying. But keep this in mind, per Cilona: “Lies of omission can be equally destructive.” So, “forgetting” to tell your partner that your ex recently slid into your DMs isn’t the same as rightfully to keep details of your convos with your friends to yourself.

How much lie is too much lie?

Probably somewhere between 2 and 5 such lies would be enough to say no more. A lot depends on the rest of the person’s behavior. If the person is gentle, kind, generous and has a lying habit, I might go up to 10.